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him the light in her eyes still wet with tearstransfigured her。
〃I love you； Janet；〃 he said。 〃I want you to marry me。〃
〃You don't understand；〃 she answered。 〃You never did。 If I had married
you； I'd feel just the samebut it isn't really as bad as if we had been
married。〃
〃Not as bad！〃 he exclaimed。
〃If we were married； you'd think you had rights over me；〃 she explained；
slowly。 〃Now you haven't any； I can go away。 I couldn't live with you。
I know what happened to me； I've thought it all out； I wanted to get away
from the life I was leadingI hated it so； I was crazy to have a chance；
to see the world； to get nearer some of the beautiful things I knew were
there； but couldn't reach。。。。 And you came along。 I did love you； I
would have done anything for youit was only when I saw that you didn't
really love me that I began to hate you； that I wanted to get away from
you； when I saw that you only wanted me until you should get tired of me。
That's your nature； you can't help it。 And it would have been the same
if we were married； only worse； I couldn't have stood it any more than I
can nowI'd have left you。 You say you'll marry me now； but that's
because you're sorry for mesince I've said I'm not going to trouble you
any more。 You'll be glad I've gone。 You maywant me now； but that
isn't love。 When you say you love me； I can't believe you。〃
〃You must believe me！ And the child； Janet；our child〃
〃If the world was right；〃 she said； 〃I could have this child and nobody
would say anything。 I could support itI guess I can anyway。 And when
I'm not half crazy I want it。 Maybe that's the reason I couldn't do what
I tried to do just now。 It's natural for a woman to want a child
especially a woman like me； who hasn't anybody or anything。〃
Ditmar's state of mind was too complicated to be wholly described。 As
the fact had been gradually brought home to him that she had not come as
a supplicant； that even in her misery she was free； and he helpless；
there revived in him wild memories of her body； of the kisses he had
wrung from herand yet this physical desire was accompanied by a
realization of her personality never before achieved。 And because he had
hitherto failed to achieve it； she had escaped him。 This belated；
surpassing glimpse of what she essentially was； and the thought of the
child their childpermeating his passion； transformed it into a feeling
hitherto unexperienced and unimagined。 He hovered over her； pitifully；
his hands feeling for her； yet not daring to touch her。
〃Can't you see that I love you？〃 he cried； 〃that I'm ready to marry you
now； to…night。 You must love me； I won't believe that you don't after
after all we have been to each other。〃
But even then she could not believe。 Something in her； made hard by the
intensity of her suffering； refused to melt。 And her head was throbbing；
and she scarcely heard him。
〃I can't stay any longer；〃 she said； getting to her feet。 〃I can't bear
it。〃
〃Janet； I swear I'll care for you as no woman was ever cared for。 For
God's sake listen to me； give me a chance； forgive me！〃 He seized her
arm； she struggled； gently but persistently； to free herself from his
hold。
〃Let me go； please。〃 All the passionate anger had gone out of her； and
she spoke in a monotone； as one under hypnosis； dominated by a resolution
which； for the present at least； he was powerless to shake。
〃But to…morrow？〃 he pleaded。 〃You'll let me see you to…morrow； when
you've had time to think it over； when you realize that I love you and
want you； that I haven't meant to be cruelthat you've misjudged me
thought I was a different kind of a man。 I don't blame you for that； I
guess something happened to make you believe it。 I've got enemies。 For
the sake of the child； Janet； if for nothing else； you'll come back to
me！ You'reyou're tired tonight； you're not yourself。 I don't wonder；
after all you've been through。 If you'd only come to me before！ God
knows what I've suffered； too！〃
〃Let me go； please；〃 she repeated； and this time； despairingly； he obeyed
her； a conviction of her incommuy nica；bility overwhelming him。 He
turned and； fumbling with the key； unlocked the door and opened it。
〃I'll see you to…morrow；〃 he faltered once more； and watched her as she
went through the darkened outer room until she gained the lighted hallway
beyond and disappeared。 Her footsteps died away into silence。 He was
trembling。 For several minutes he stood where she had left him； tortured
by a sense of his inability to act； to cope with this； the great crisis
of his life； when suddenly the real significance of that strange last
look in her eyes was borne home to him。 And he had allowed her to go out
into the streets alone！ Seizing his hat and coat； he fairly ran out of
the office and down the stairs and across the bridge。
〃Which way did that young lady go？〃 he demanders of the sergeant。
〃Whyug West Street； Mr。 Ditmar。〃
He remembered where Filhnore Street was； he had； indeed； sought it out
one evening in the hope of meeting her。 He hurried toward it now； his
glance strained ahead to catch sight of her figure under a lamp。 But he
reached Fillmore Street without overtaking her； and in the rain he stood
gazing at the mean houses there； wondering in which of them she lived；
and whether she had as yet come home。。。。
After leaving Ditmar Janet； probably from force of habit； had indeed gone
through West Street； and after that she walked on aimlessly。 It was
better to walk than to sit alone in torment； to be gnawed by that Thing
from which she had so desperately attempted to escape； and failed。 She
tried to think why she had failed。。。。 Though the rain fell on her
cheeks； her mouth was parched； and this dryness of her palate； this
physical sense of lightness； almost of dizziness； were intimately yet
incomprehensibly part and parcel of the fantastic moods into which she
floated。 It was as though； in trying to solve a problem； she caught
herself from time to time falling off to sleep。 In her waking moments
she was terror…stricken。 Scarce an hour had passed since； in a terrible
exaltation at having found a solution； she had gone to Ditmar's office in
the mill。 What had happened to stay her？ It was when she tried to find
the cause of the weakness that so abruptly had overtaken her； or to cast
about for a plan to fit the new predicament to which her failure had
sentenced her； that the fantasies intruded。 She heard Ditmar speaking；
the arguments were curiously familiarbut they were not Ditmar's！ They
were her father's； and now it was Edward's voice to which she listened；
he was telling her how eminently proper it was that she should marry
Ditmar； because of her Bumpus blood。 And this made her laugh。。。。 Again；
Ditmar was kissing her hair。 He had often praised it。 She had taken it
down and combed it out for him； it was like a cloud； he saidso fine；
its odour made him faintand then the odour changed； became that of the
detested perfume of Miss Lottie Myers！ Even that made Janet smile！ But
Ditmar was strong； he was powerful； he was a Fact； why not go back to him
and let him absorb a