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an invitation and finds she has made a mistake in accepting it； she does
as the mamma…partridge doesremembers a previous engagementand goes
limping and scrambling away； pretending to be very lame； and at the same
time she is saying to her not…visible children； 〃Lie low； keep still；
don't expose yourselves； I shall be back as soon as I have beguiled this
shabby swindler out of the country。〃
When a person is ignorant and confiding； this immoral device can have
tiresome results。 I followed an ostensibly lame turkey over a
considerable part of the United States one morning； because I believed in
her and could not think she would deceive a mere boy； and one who was
trusting her and considering her honest。 I had the single…barrelled
shotgun； but my idea was to catch her alive。 I often got within rushing
distance of her； and then made my rush； but always； just as I made my
final plunge and put my hand down where her back had been； it wasn't
there； it was only two or three inches from there and I brushed the tail…
feathers as I landed on my stomacha very close call； but still not
quite close enough； that is； not close enough for success； but just close
enough to convince me that I could do it next time。 She always waited
for me； a little piece away； and let on to be resting and greatly
fatigued； which was a lie； but I believed it； for I still thought her
honest long after I ought to have begun to doubt her； suspecting that
this was no way for a high…minded bird to be acting。 I followed； and
followed； and followed； making my periodical rushes； and getting up and
brushing the dust off； and resuming the voyage with patient confidence；
indeed； with a confidence which grew； for I could see by the change of
climate and vegetation that we were getting up into the high latitudes；
and as she always looked a little tireder and a little more discouraged
after each rush； I judged that I was safe to win； in the end； the
competition being purely a matter of staying power and the advantage
lying with me from the start because she was lame。
Along in the afternoon I began to feel fatigued myself。 Neither of us
had had any rest since we first started on the excursion； which was
upwards of ten hours before； though latterly we had paused awhile after
rushes； I letting on to be thinking about something else； but neither of
us sincere； and both of us waiting for the other to call game but in no
real hurry about it； for indeed those little evanescent snatches of rest
were very grateful to the feelings of us both； it would naturally be so；
skirmishing along like that ever since dawn and not a bite in the
meantime； at least for me； though sometimes as she lay on her side
fanning herself with a wing and praying for strength to get out of this
difficulty a grasshopper happened along whose time had come； and that was
well for her； and fortunate； but I had nothingnothing the whole day。
More than once； after I was very tired； I gave up taking her alive； and
was going to shoot her； but I never did it； although it was my right； for
I did not believe I could hit her； and besides； she always stopped and
posed； when I raised the gun； and this made me suspicious that she knew
about me and my marksmanship； and so I did not care to expose myself to
remarks。
I did not get her； at all。 When she got tired of the game at last； she
rose from almost under my hand and flew aloft with the rush and whir of a
shell and lit on the highest limb of a great tree and sat down and
crossed her legs and smiled down at me； and seemed gratified to see me so
astonished。
I was ashamed； and also lost； and it was while wandering the woods
hunting for myself that I found a deserted log cabin and had one of the
best meals there that in my life…days I have eaten。 The weed…grown
garden was full of ripe tomatoes； and I ate them ravenously； though I had
never liked them before。 Not more than two or three times since have I
tasted anything that was so delicious as those tomatoes。 I surfeited
myself with them； and did not taste another one until I was in middle
life。 I can eat them now； but I do not like the look of them。 I suppose
we have all experienced a surfeit at one time or another。 Once； in
stress of circumstances； I ate part of a barrel of sardines； there being
nothing else at hand； but since then I have always been able to get along
without sardines。
THE McWILLIAMSES AND THE BURGLAR ALARM
The conversation drifted smoothly and pleasantly along from weather to
crops； from crops to literature； from literature to scandal； from scandal
to religion； then took a random jump； and landed on the subject of
burglar alarms。 And now for the first time Mr。 McWilliams showed
feeling。 Whenever I perceive this sign on this man's dial； I comprehend
it； and lapse into silence； and give him opportunity to unload his heart。
Said he； with but ill…controlled emotion：
〃I do not go one single cent on burglar alarms； Mr。 Twainnot a single
centand I will tell you why。 When we were finishing our house； we
found we had a little cash left over； on account of the plumber not
knowing it。 I was for enlightening the heathen with it； for I was always
unaccountably down on the heathen somehow； but Mrs。 McWilliams said no；
let's have a burglar alarm。 I agreed to this compromise。 I will explain
that whenever I want a thing； and Mrs。 McWilliams wants another thing；
and we decide upon the thing that Mrs。 McWilliams wantsas we always do
she calls that a compromise。 Very well： the man came up from New York
and put in the alarm； and charged three hundred and twenty…five dollars
for it； and said we could sleep without uneasiness now。 So we did for
awhilesay a month。 Then one night we smelled smoke； and I was advised
to get up and see what the matter was。 I lit a candle； and started
toward the stairs； and met a burglar coming out of a room with a basket
of tinware； which he had mistaken for solid silver in the dark。 He was
smoking a pipe。 I said； 'My friend； we do not allow smoking in this
room。' He said he was a stranger； and could not be expected to know the
rules of the house： said he had been in many houses just as good as this
one； and it had never been objected to before。 He added that as far as
his experience went； such rules had never been considered to apply to
burglars； anyway。
〃I said： 'Smoke along； then； if it is the custom； though I think that the
conceding of a privilege to a burglar which is denied to a bishop is a
conspicuous sign of the looseness of the times。 But waiving all that；
what business have you to be entering this house in this furtive and
clandestine way； without ringing the burglar alarm？'
〃He looked confused and ashamed； and said； with embarrassment： 'I beg a
thousand pardons。 I did not know you had a burglar alarm； else I would
have rung it。 I beg you will not mention it where my parents may hear of
it； for they are old and feeble； and such a seemingly wanton breach of
the hallowed conventionalities of our Christian civilization might all
too rudely sunder the frail bridge which hangs darkling between the pale
and evanescent present and the solemn gr