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relying； loving child to me—never growing old or cold at heart； but
needing my care and duty in his manly strength as in his cradle…
time—help him； in his darkened walk through this sad world； or
he is doomed； and my poor heart is broken！’
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Chapter 18
liding along the silent streets； and holding his course
where they were darkest and most gloomy； the man who
G
had left the widow’s house crossed London Bridge； and
arriving in the City； plunged into the backways； lanes； and courts；
between Cornhill and Smithfield； with no more fixedness of
purpose than to lose himself among their windings； and baffle
pursuit； if any one were dogging his steps。
It was the dead time of the night； and all was quiet。 Now and
then a drowsy watchman’s footsteps sounded on the pavement； or
the lamplighter on his rounds went flashing past； leaving behind a
little track of smoke mingled with glowing morsels of his hot red
link。 He hid himself even from these partakers of his lonely walk；
and； shrinking in some arch or doorway while they passed； issued
forth again when they were gone and so pursued his solitary way。
To be shelterless and alone in the open country； hearing the
wind moan and watching for day through the whole long weary
night； to listen to the falling rain； and crouch for warmth beneath
the lee of some old barn or rick； or in the hollow of a tree； are
dismal things—but not so dismal as the wandering up and down
where shelter is； and beds and sleepers are by thousands； a
houseless rejected creature。 To pace the echoing stones from hour
to hour； counting the dull chimes of the clocks； to watch the lights
twinkling in chamber windows； to think what happy forgetfulness
each house shuts in； that here are children coiled together in their
beds； here youth； here age； here poverty； here wealth； all equal in
their sleep； and all at rest； to have nothing in common with the
slumbering world around； not even sleep； Heaven’s gift to all its
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creatures； and be akin to nothing but despair； to feel； by the
wretched contrast with everything on every hand； more utterly
alone and cast away than in a trackless desert； this is a kind of
suffering； on which the rivers of great cities close full many a time；
and which the solitude in crowds alone awakens。
The miserable man paced up and down the streets—so long； so
wearisome； so like each other—and often cast a wistful look
towards the east； hoping to see the first faint streaks of day。 But
obdurate night had yet possession of the sky； and his disturbed
and restless walk found no relief。
One house in a back street was bright with the cheerful glare of
lights； there was the sound of music in it too； and the tread of
dancers； and there were cheerful voices； and many a burst of
laughter。 To this place—to be near something that was awake and
glad—he returned again and again； and more than one of those
who left it when the merriment was at its height； felt it a check
upon their mirthful mood to see him flitting to and fro like an
uneasy ghost。 At last the guests departed； one and all； and then
the house was close shut up； and became as dull and silent as the
rest。
His wanderings brought him at one time to the city jail。 Instead
of hastening from it as a place of ill omen； and one he had cause to
shun； he sat down on some steps hard by； and resting his chin
upon his hand； gazed upon its rough and frowning walls as though
even they became a refuge in his jaded eyes。 He paced it round
and round； came back to the same spot； and sat down again。 He
did this often； and once； with a hasty movement； crossed to where
some men were watching in the prison lodge； and had his foot
upon the steps as though determined to accost them。 But looking
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round； he saw that the day began to break； and failing in his
purpose； turned and fled。
He was soon in the quarter he had lately traversed； and pacing
to and fro again as he had done before。 He was passing down a
mean street； when from an alley close at hand some shouts of
revelry arose； and there came straggling forth a dozen madcaps；
whooping and calling to each other； who； parting noisily； took
different ways and dispersed in smaller groups。
Hoping that some low place of entertainment which would
afford him a safe refuge might be near at hand； he turned into this
court when they were all gone； and looked about for a half…opened
door； or lighted window； or other indication of the place whence
they had come。 It was so profoundly dark； however； and so ill…
favoured； that he concluded they had but turned up there； missing
their way； and were pouring out again when he observed them。
With this impression； and finding there was no outlet but that by
which he had entered； he was about to turn； when from a grating
near his feet a sudden stream of light appeared； and the sound of
talking came。 He retreated into a doorway to see who these talkers
were； and to listen to them。
The light came to the level of the pavement as he did this； and a
man ascended； bearing in his hand a torch。 This figure unlocked
and held open the grating as for the passage of another； who
presently appeared； in the form of a young man of small stature
and uncommon self…importance； dressed in an obsolete and very
gaudy fashion。
‘Good night； noble captain；’ said he with the torch。 ‘Farewe