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would have chopped Ernest or any one else into little pieces of
mincemeat to gratify the slightest wish of her husband； but she
would not have chopped him up for any one else； and so long as he
did not cross her she was very fond of him。 By nature she was of an
even temper； more willing to be pleased than ruffled； very ready to
do a good…natured action； provided it did not cost her much
exertion； nor involve expense to Theobald。 Her own little purse did
not matter； any one might have as much of that as he or she could
get after she had reserved what was absolutely necessary for her
dress。 I could not hear of her end as Ernest described it to me
without feeling very compassionate towards her； indeed her own son
could hardly have felt more so； I at once； therefore； consented to
go down to the funeral； perhaps I was also influenced by a desire to
see Charlotte and Joey； in whom I felt interested on hearing what my
godson had told me。
I found Theobald looking remarkably well。 Every one said he was
bearing it so beautifully。 He did indeed once or twice shake his
head and say that his wife had been the comfort and mainstay of his
life for over thirty years； but there the matter ended。 I stayed
over the next day which was Sunday； and took my departure on the
following morning after having told Theobald all that his son wished
me to tell him。 Theobald asked me to help him with Christina's
epitaph。
〃I would say；〃 said he； 〃as little as possible； eulogies of the
departed are in most cases both unnecessary and untrue。 Christina's
epitaph shall contain nothing which shall be either the one or the
other。 I should give her name； the dates of her birth and death；
and of course say she was my wife； and then I think I should wind up
with a simple texther favourite one for example； none indeed could
be more appropriate； 'Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall
see God。'〃
I said I thought this would be very nice； and it was settled。 So
Ernest was sent to give the order to Mr Prosser； the stonemason in
the nearest town； who said it came from 〃the Beetitudes。〃
CHAPTER LXXXIV
On our way to town Ernest broached his plans for spending the next
year or two。 I wanted him to try and get more into society again；
but he brushed this aside at once as the very last thing he had a
fancy for。 For society indeed of all sorts； except of course that
of a few intimate friends； he had an unconquerable aversion。 〃I
always did hate those people；〃 he said； 〃and they always have hated
and always will hate me。 I am an Ishmael by instinct as much as by
accident of circumstances； but if I keep out of society I shall be
less vulnerable than Ishmaels generally are。 The moment a man goes
into society； he becomes vulnerable all round。〃
I was very sorry to hear him talk in this way； for whatever strength
a man may have he should surely be able to make more of it if he act
in concert than alone。 I said this。
〃I don't care；〃 he answered； 〃whether I make the most of my strength
or not； I don't know whether I have any strength； but if I have I
dare say it will find some way of exerting itself。 I will live as I
like living； not as other people would like me to live； thanks to my
aunt and you I can afford the luxury of a quiet unobtrusive life of
self…indulgence；〃 said he laughing； 〃and I mean to have it。 You
know I like writing；〃 he added after a pause of some minutes； 〃I
have been a scribbler for years。 If I am to come to the fore at all
it must be by writing。〃
I had already long since come to that conclusion myself。
〃Well；〃 he continued； 〃there are a lot of things that want saying
which no one dares to say； a lot of shams which want attacking； and
yet no one attacks them。 It seems to me that I can say things which
not another man in England except myself will venture to say； and
yet which are crying to be said。〃
I said： 〃But who will listen？ If you say things which nobody else
would dare to say is not this much the same as saying what everyone
except yourself knows to be better left unsaid just now？〃
〃Perhaps；〃 said he； 〃but I don't know it； I am bursting with these
things； and it is my fate to say them。〃
I knew there would be no stopping him； so I gave in and asked what
question he felt a special desire to burn his fingers with in the
first instance。
〃Marriage；〃 he rejoined promptly； 〃and the power of disposing of his
property after a man is dead。 The question of Christianity is
virtually settled； or if not settled there is no lack of those
engaged in settling it。 The question of the day now is marriage and
the family system。〃
〃That；〃 said I drily； 〃is a hornet's nest indeed。〃
〃Yes；〃 said he no less drily； 〃but hornet's nests are exactly what I
happen to like。 Before； however； I begin to stir up this particular
one I propose to travel for a few years； with the especial object of
finding out what nations now existing are the best； comeliest and
most lovable； and also what nations have been so in times past。 I
want to find out how these people live； and have lived； and what
their customs are。
〃I have very vague notions upon the subject as yet； but the general
impression I have formed is that； putting ourselves on one side； the
most vigorous and amiable of known nations are the modern Italians；
the old Greeks and Romans； and the South Sea Islanders。 I believe
that these nice peoples have not as a general rule been purists； but
I want to see those of them who can yet be seen； they are the
practical authorities on the questionWhat is best for man？ and I
should like to see them and find out what they do。 Let us settle
the fact first and fight about the moral tendencies afterwards。〃
〃In fact；〃 said I laughingly； 〃you mean to have high old times。〃
〃Neither higher nor lower；〃 was the answer； 〃than those people whom
I can find to have been the best in all ages。 But let us change the
subject。〃 He put his hand into his pocket and brought out a letter。
〃My father；〃 he said； 〃gave me this letter this morning with the
seal already broken。〃 He passed it over to me； and I found it to be
the one which Christina had written before the birth of her last
child； and which I have given in an earlier chapter。
〃And you do not find this letter；〃 said I； 〃affect the conclusion
which you have just told me you have come to concerning your present
plans？〃
He smiled； and answered： 〃No。 But if you do what you have
sometimes talked about and turn the adventures of my unworthy self
into a novel； mind you print this letter。〃
〃Why so？〃 said I； feeling as though such a letter as this should
have been held sacred from the public gaze。
〃Because my mother would have wished it published； if she had known
you were writing about me and had this letter in your possession；
she would above all things have desired that you should publish it。
Therefore publish it if you write at all。〃
This is why I have done so。
Within a month Ernest carried his intention into effect； and having
made all the arrangements necessary for his children's welfare left
England before Christmas。
I heard from him now and again and learnt that he