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will not think this letter improper； nothing is further from my wish
than to cause you any uneasiness。 I hope you will make allowance
for my present feelings which； indeed； spring from nothing but from
that respect for my conscience which no one has so often instilled
into me as yourself。 Pray let me have a few lines shortly。 I hope
your cold is better。 With love to Eliza and Maria； I am； your
affectionate son；
〃THEOBALD PONTIFEX。〃
〃Dear Theobald；I can enter into your feelings and have no wish to
quarrel with your expression of them。 It is quite right and natural
that you should feel as you do except as regards one passage； the
impropriety of which you will yourself doubtless feel upon
reflection； and to which I will not further allude than to say that
it has wounded me。 You should not have said 'in spite of my
scholarships。' It was only proper that if you could do anything to
assist me in bearing the heavy burden of your education； the money
should be； as it was； made over to myself。 Every line in your
letter convinces me that you are under the influence of a morbid
sensitiveness which is one of the devil's favourite devices for
luring people to their destruction。 I have； as you say； been at
great expense with your education。 Nothing has been spared by me to
give you the advantages； which； as an English gentleman； I was
anxious to afford my son； but I am not prepared to see that expense
thrown away and to have to begin again from the beginning； merely
because you have taken some foolish scruples into your head； which
you should resist as no less unjust to yourself than to me。
〃Don't give way to that restless desire for change which is the bane
of so many persons of both sexes at the present day。
〃Of course you needn't be ordained： nobody will compel you； you are
perfectly free； you are twenty…three years of age； and should know
your own mind； but why not have known it sooner； instead of never so
much as breathing a hint of opposition until I have had all the
expense of sending you to the University； which I should never have
done unless I had believed you to have made up your mind about
taking orders？ I have letters from you in which you express the
most perfect willingness to be ordained； and your brother and
sisters will bear me out in saying that no pressure of any sort has
been put upon you。 You mistake your own mind； and are suffering
from a nervous timidity which may be very natural but may not the
less be pregnant with serious consequences to yourself。 I am not at
all well； and the anxiety occasioned by your letter is naturally
preying upon me。 May God guide you to a better judgement。Your
affectionate father； G。 PONTIFEX。〃
On the receipt of this letter Theobald plucked up his spirits。 〃My
father；〃 he said to himself； 〃tells me I need not be ordained if I
do not like。 I do not like； and therefore I will not be ordained。
But what was the meaning of the words 'pregnant with serious
consequences to yourself'？ Did there lurk a threat under these
wordsthough it was impossible to lay hold of it or of them？ Were
they not intended to produce all the effect of a threat without
being actually threatening？〃
Theobald knew his father well enough to be little likely to
misapprehend his meaning； but having ventured so far on the path of
opposition； and being really anxious to get out of being ordained if
he could； he determined to venture farther。 He accordingly wrote
the following：
〃My dear father；You tell meand I heartily thank youthat no one
will compel me to be ordained。 I knew you would not press
ordination upon me if my conscience was seriously opposed to it； I
have therefore resolved on giving up the idea； and believe that if
you will continue to allow me what you do at present； until I get my
fellowship； which should not be long； I will then cease putting you
to further expense。 I will make up my mind as soon as possible what
profession I will adopt； and will let you know at once。Your
affectionate son； THEOBALD PONTIFEX。〃
The remaining letter； written by return of post； must now be given。
It has the merit of brevity。
〃Dear Theobald；I have received yours。 I am at a loss to conceive
its motive； but am very clear as to its effect。 You shall not
receive a single sixpence from me till you come to your senses。
Should you persist in your folly and wickedness； I am happy to
remember that I have yet other children whose conduct I can depend
upon to be a source of credit and happiness to me。Your
affectionate but troubled father； G。 PONTIFEX。〃
I do not know the immediate sequel to the foregoing correspondence；
but it all came perfectly right in the end。 Either Theobald's heart
failed him； or he interpreted the outward shove which his father
gave him； as the inward call for which I have no doubt he prayed
with great earnestnessfor he was a firm believer in the efficacy
of prayer。 And so am I under certain circumstances。 Tennyson has
said that more things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams
of； but he has wisely refrained from saying whether they are good
things or bad things。 It might perhaps be as well if the world were
to dream of； or even become wide awake to； some of the things that
are being wrought by prayer。 But the question is avowedly
difficult。 In the end Theobald got his fellowship by a stroke of
luck very soon after taking his degree； and was ordained in the
autumn of the same year； 1825。
CHAPTER IX
Mr Allaby was rector of Crampsford； a village a few miles from
Cambridge。 He； too； had taken a good degree； had got a fellowship；
and in the course of time had accepted a college living of about 400
pounds a year and a house。 His private income did not exceed 200
pounds a year。 On resigning his fellowship he married a woman a
good deal younger than himself who bore him eleven children； nine of
whomtwo sons and seven daughterswere living。 The two eldest
daughters had married fairly well； but at the time of which I am now
writing there were still five unmarried； of ages varying between
thirty and twenty…twoand the sons were neither of them yet off
their father's hands。 It was plain that if anything were to happen
to Mr Allaby the family would be left poorly off； and this made both
Mr and Mrs Allaby as unhappy as it ought to have made them。
Reader； did you ever have an income at best none too large； which
died with you all except 200 pounds a year？ Did you ever at the
same time have two sons who must be started in life somehow； and
five daughters still unmarried for whom you would only be too
thankful to find husbandsif you knew how to find them？ If
morality is that which； on the whole； brings a man peace in his
declining yearsif； that is to say； it is not an utter swindle； can
you under these circumstances flatter yourself that you have led a
moral life？
And this； even though your wife has been so good a woman that you
have not grown tired of her； and has not fallen into such ill…health
as lowers your own health in sympathy； and though your family has
grown up vigorous； amiable； and blessed with common sense。 I know
many old men an