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lavender and old lace-第34章

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lead him straight to me。 Each day; I have made the house ready for an invited guest and I haven't gone away; even for an hour。 I couldn't bear to have him come and find no welcome waiting; and I have always worn the colour he loved。 When people have come to see me; I've always been afraid they would stay until he came; except with youand Carl。 I was glad to have you come to stay with me; because; lately; I have thought that it would be moremore delicate than to have him find me alone。 I loved you; too; dear;〃 she added quickly。


〃II asked your aunt to keep the light in the window。 I never told her why; but I think she knew; and you must tell her; dear; the next time you see her; that I thank her; and that she need never do it again。 I thought; if he should come in a storm; or; perhaps; sail by; on his way to me〃

There was another long silence; then; with an effort; she went on。 〃I have been happy; for he said he wanted me to be; though sometimes it was hard。 As nearly as I could; I made my dream real。 I have thought; for hours; of the things we would say to each other when the long years were over and we were together again。 I have dressed for his eyes alone; and loved himperhaps you know〃

〃I know; Miss Ainslie;〃 said Ruth; softly; her own love surging in her heart; 〃I know。〃

〃He loved me; Ruth;〃 she said; lingering upon the words; 〃as man never loved before。 In all of God's great universe; there was never anything like thateven in Heaven; there can't be anything so beautiful; though we have to know human love before we can understand God's。 All day; I have dreamed of our little home together; and at night; sometimesof baby lips against my breast。 I could always see him plainly; but I never could see ourour child。 I have missed that。 I have had more happiness than comes to most women; but that has been denied me。〃

She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes。 Her lips were white and quivering; but there were no tears。 At length she sat upright and fixed her eyes upon Ruth。

〃Don't be afraid of anything;〃 she said in a strange tone; 〃poverty or sickness or death; or any suffering God will let you bear together。 That isn't loveto be afraid。 There's only one thingthe years! Oh; God; the bitter; cruel; endless years!〃

Miss Ainslie caught her breath and it sounded like a sob; but she bravely kept it back。 〃I have been happy;〃 she said; in pitiful triumph; 〃I promised him that I would be; and I have kept my word。 Sometimes it was hard; but I had my dream。 Lately; this last year; I have often been afraid thatthat something had happened。 Thirty…three years; and you know; dear;〃 she added; with a quaint primness; 〃that I am a woman of the world。〃

〃In the world; but not of it;〃 was on Ruth's lips; but she did not say it。

〃Still; I know it was wrong to doubt himI couldn't; when I thought of our last hour together; out on the hill in the moonlight。 He said it was conceivable that life might keep him from me; but death never could。 He told me that if he died; I would know; that he would come and tell me; and that in a little while afterward; we should be together。〃

The dying embers cast a glow upon her face。 It was almost waxen in its purity; she seemed transfigured with the light of another world。   〃Last night; he came to mein a dream。 He is deadhe has been dead for a long time。 He was trying to explain something to meI suppose he was trying to tell me why he had not come before。 He was oldan old man; Ruth; and I have always thought of him as young。 He could not say anything but my name'MaryAbbyMary Abby' over and over again; and; once; 'mother。' I was christened 'Mary Abigail;' but I never liked the middle name; so I dropped it; and he used to tease me sometimes by calling me 'Abby。' Andfrom his saying 'mother;' I know that he; too; wherever he may be; has had that dream of of our child。〃

Ruth was cold from head to foot; and her senses reeled。 Every word that Winfield had said in the morning sounded again in her ears。 What was it that went on around her; of which she had no ken? It seemed as though she stood absolutely alone; in endless space; while planets swept past; out of their orbits; with all the laws of force set suddenly aside。

Miss Ainslie felt her shuddering fear。 〃Don't be afraid; dear;〃 she said again; 〃everything is right。 I kept my promise; and he kept his。 He is sufferinghe is very lonely without me; but in a little while we shall be together。〃

The fire died out and left the room in darkness; broken only by the last fitful glow。 Ruth could not speak; and Miss Ainslie sat quietly in her chair。 〃Come;〃 she said at last; stretching out her hand; 〃let's go upstairs。 I have kept you up; deary; and I know you must be very tired。〃

The house seemed filled with a shadowy presencesomething intangible; but portentous; for both good and ill。 Ruth took down the heavy mass of white hair and brushed it back; tying it at the neck with a ribbon; in girlish fashion; as Miss Ainslie always did。 Her night gown; of sheerest linen; was heavy with Valenciennes lace; and where it fell back from her throat; it revealed the flesh; exquisitely white; set in gracious curves and womanly softness; as if by a sculptor who loved his clay。

The sweet; wholesome scent of the lavender flowers breathed from the folds of Miss Ainslie's gown; as she stood there in the candle light; smiling; with the unearthly glow still upon her face。

〃Good night; deary;〃 she said; 〃you'll kiss me; won't you?〃

For a moment the girl's face was buried among Miss Ainslie's laces; then their lips met。 Ruth was trembling and she hurried away; swallowing the lump in her throat and trying to keep back the tears。

The doors were open; and there was no sound save Miss Ainslie's deep breathing; but Ruth kept a dreary vigil till almost dawn。



XVI。 Some One Who Loved Her

The summer waned and each day; as it slipped away; took a little of Miss Ainslie's strength with it。 There was neither disease nor painit was simply a letting go。 Carl sent to the city for a physician of wide repute; but he shook his head。 〃There's nothing the matter with her;〃 he said; 〃but she doesn't want to live。 Just keep her as happy as you can。〃

For a time she went about the house as usual; but; gradually; more and more of her duties fell to Ruth。 Hepsey came in every day after breakfast; and again in the late afternoon。

Ruth tried to get her to go out for a drive; but she refused。 〃No; deary;〃 she said; smiling; 〃I've never been away; and I'm too old to begin now。〃 Neighbours; hearing of her illness; came to offer sympathy and help; but she would see none of themnot even Aunt Jane。

One night; she sat at the head of the table as usual; for she would not surrender her place as hostess; even though she ate nothing; and afterward a great weakness came upon her。 〃I don't know how I'll ever get upstairs;〃 she said; frightened; 〃it seems such a long way!〃

Winfield took her in his arms and carried her up; as gently and easily as if she had been a child。 Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright when he put her down。 〃I never thought it would be so easy;〃 she said; in answer to his question。 〃You'll stay with me; won't you; Carl? I don't want you t
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