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notes from the underground-第3章

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anything because I should certainly never have made up my mind to

do anything; even if I had been able to。  Why should I not have

made up my mind?  About that in particular I want to say a few

words。





III



With people who know how to revenge themselves and to stand up

for themselves in general; how is it done? Why; when they are

possessed; let us suppose; by the feeling of revenge; then for

the time there is nothing else but that feeling left in their

whole being。  Such a gentleman simply dashes straight for his

object like an infuriated bull with its horns down; and nothing

but a wall will stop him。  (By the way: facing the wall; such

gentlementhat is; the 〃direct〃 persons and men of actionare

genuinely nonplussed。  For them a wall is not an evasion; as for

us people who think and consequently do nothing; it is not an

excuse for turning aside; an excuse for which we are always very

glad; though we scarcely believe in it ourselves; as a rule。  No;

they are nonplussed in all sincerity。  The wall has for them

something tranquillising; morally soothing; final; maybe even

something mysterious 。。。 but of the wall later。)  Well; such a

direct person I regard as the real normal man; as his tender

mother nature wished to see him when she graciously brought him

into being on the earth。  I envy such a man till I am green in

the face。  He is stupid。  I am not disputing that; but perhaps

the normal man should be stupid; how do you know?  Perhaps it is

very beautiful; in fact。  And I am the more persuaded of that

suspicion; if one can call it so; by the fact that if you take;

for instance; the antithesis of the normal man; that is; the man

of acute consciousness; who has come; of course; not out of the

lap of nature but out of a retort (this is almost mysticism;

gentlemen; but I suspect this; too); this retort…made man is

sometimes so nonplussed in the presence of his antithesis that

with all his exaggerated consciousness he genuinely thinks of

himself as a mouse and not a man。  It may be an acutely conscious

mouse; yet it is a mouse; while the other is a man; and

therefore; et caetera; et caetera。  And the worst of it is; he

himself; his very own self; looks on himself as a mouse; no one

asks him to do so; and that is an important point。  



Now let us look at this mouse in action。  Let us suppose; for

instance; that it feels insulted; too (and it almost always does

feel insulted); and wants to revenge itself; too。  There may even

be a greater accumulation of spite in it than in l'homme de la

nature et de la verite。  The base and nasty desire to vent that

spite on its assailant rankles perhaps even more nastily in it

than in l'homme de la nature et de la verite。  For through his

innate stupidity the latter looks upon his revenge as justice

pure and simple; while in consequence of his acute consciousness

the mouse does not believe in the justice of it。  To come at last

to the deed itself; to the very act of revenge。  Apart from the

one fundamental nastiness the luckless mouse succeeds in creating

around it so many other nastinesses in the form of doubts and

questions; adds to the one question so many unsettled questions

that there inevitably works up around it a sort of fatal brew; a

stinking mess; made up of its doubts; emotions; and of the

contempt spat upon it by the direct men of action who stand

solemnly about it as judges and arbitrators; laughing at it till

their healthy sides ache。  Of course the only thing left for it

is to dismiss all that with a wave of its paw; and; with a smile

of assumed contempt in which it does not even itself believe;

creep ignominiously into its mouse…hole。  There in its nasty;

stinking; underground home our insulted; crushed and ridiculed

mouse promptly becomes absorbed in cold; malignant and; above

all; everlasting spite。  For forty years together it will

remember its injury down to the smallest; most ignominious

details; and every time will add; of itself; details still more

ignominious; spitefully teasing and tormenting itself with its

own imagination。  It will itself be ashamed of its imaginings;

but yet it will recall it all; it will go over and over every

detail; it will invent unheard of things against itself;

pretending that those things might happen; and will forgive

nothing。  Maybe it will begin to revenge itself; too; but; as it

were; piecemeal; in trivial ways; from behind the stove;

incognito; without believing either in its own right to

vengeance; or in the success of its revenge; knowing that from

all its efforts at revenge it will suffer a hundred times more

than he on whom it revenges itself; while he; I daresay; will not

even scratch himself。  On its deathbed it will recall it all over

again; with interest accumulated over all the years and 。。。 But

it is just in that cold; abominable half despair; half belief; in

that conscious burying oneself alive for grief in the underworld

for forty years; in that acutely recognised and yet partly

doubtful hopelessness of one's position; in that hell of

unsatisfied desires turned inward; in that fever of oscillations;

of resolutions determined for ever and repented of again a minute

laterthat the savour of that strange enjoyment of which I have

spoken lies。  It is so subtle; so difficult of analysis; that

persons who are a little limited; or even simply persons of

strong nerves; will not understand a single atom of it。 

〃Possibly;〃 you will add on your own account with a grin; 〃people

will not understand it either who have never received a slap in

the face;〃 and in that way you will politely hint to me that I;

too; perhaps; have had the experience of a slap in the face in my

life; and so I speak as one who knows。  I bet that you are

thinking that。  But set your minds at rest; gentlemen; I have not

received a slap in the face; though it is absolutely a matter of

indifference to me what you may think about it。  Possibly; I even

regret; myself; that I have given so few slaps in the face during

my life。  But enough 。。。 not another word on that subject of such

extreme interest to you。



I will continue calmly concerning persons with strong nerves who

do not understand a certain refinement of enjoyment。  Though in

certain circumstances these gentlemen bellow their loudest like

bulls; though this; let us suppose; does them the greatest

credit; yet; as I have said already; confronted with the

impossible they subside at once。  The impossible means the stone

wall!  What stone wall?  Why; of course; the laws of nature; the

deductions of natural science; mathematics。  As soon as they

prove to you; for instance; that you are descended from a monkey;

then it is no use scowling; accept it for a fact。  When they

prove to you that in reality one drop of your own fat must be

dearer to you than a hundred thousand of your fellow…creatures;

and that this conclusion is the final solution of all so…called

virtues and duties and al
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