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anything because I should certainly never have made up my mind to
do anything; even if I had been able to。 Why should I not have
made up my mind? About that in particular I want to say a few
words。
III
With people who know how to revenge themselves and to stand up
for themselves in general; how is it done? Why; when they are
possessed; let us suppose; by the feeling of revenge; then for
the time there is nothing else but that feeling left in their
whole being。 Such a gentleman simply dashes straight for his
object like an infuriated bull with its horns down; and nothing
but a wall will stop him。 (By the way: facing the wall; such
gentlementhat is; the 〃direct〃 persons and men of actionare
genuinely nonplussed。 For them a wall is not an evasion; as for
us people who think and consequently do nothing; it is not an
excuse for turning aside; an excuse for which we are always very
glad; though we scarcely believe in it ourselves; as a rule。 No;
they are nonplussed in all sincerity。 The wall has for them
something tranquillising; morally soothing; final; maybe even
something mysterious 。。。 but of the wall later。) Well; such a
direct person I regard as the real normal man; as his tender
mother nature wished to see him when she graciously brought him
into being on the earth。 I envy such a man till I am green in
the face。 He is stupid。 I am not disputing that; but perhaps
the normal man should be stupid; how do you know? Perhaps it is
very beautiful; in fact。 And I am the more persuaded of that
suspicion; if one can call it so; by the fact that if you take;
for instance; the antithesis of the normal man; that is; the man
of acute consciousness; who has come; of course; not out of the
lap of nature but out of a retort (this is almost mysticism;
gentlemen; but I suspect this; too); this retort…made man is
sometimes so nonplussed in the presence of his antithesis that
with all his exaggerated consciousness he genuinely thinks of
himself as a mouse and not a man。 It may be an acutely conscious
mouse; yet it is a mouse; while the other is a man; and
therefore; et caetera; et caetera。 And the worst of it is; he
himself; his very own self; looks on himself as a mouse; no one
asks him to do so; and that is an important point。
Now let us look at this mouse in action。 Let us suppose; for
instance; that it feels insulted; too (and it almost always does
feel insulted); and wants to revenge itself; too。 There may even
be a greater accumulation of spite in it than in l'homme de la
nature et de la verite。 The base and nasty desire to vent that
spite on its assailant rankles perhaps even more nastily in it
than in l'homme de la nature et de la verite。 For through his
innate stupidity the latter looks upon his revenge as justice
pure and simple; while in consequence of his acute consciousness
the mouse does not believe in the justice of it。 To come at last
to the deed itself; to the very act of revenge。 Apart from the
one fundamental nastiness the luckless mouse succeeds in creating
around it so many other nastinesses in the form of doubts and
questions; adds to the one question so many unsettled questions
that there inevitably works up around it a sort of fatal brew; a
stinking mess; made up of its doubts; emotions; and of the
contempt spat upon it by the direct men of action who stand
solemnly about it as judges and arbitrators; laughing at it till
their healthy sides ache。 Of course the only thing left for it
is to dismiss all that with a wave of its paw; and; with a smile
of assumed contempt in which it does not even itself believe;
creep ignominiously into its mouse…hole。 There in its nasty;
stinking; underground home our insulted; crushed and ridiculed
mouse promptly becomes absorbed in cold; malignant and; above
all; everlasting spite。 For forty years together it will
remember its injury down to the smallest; most ignominious
details; and every time will add; of itself; details still more
ignominious; spitefully teasing and tormenting itself with its
own imagination。 It will itself be ashamed of its imaginings;
but yet it will recall it all; it will go over and over every
detail; it will invent unheard of things against itself;
pretending that those things might happen; and will forgive
nothing。 Maybe it will begin to revenge itself; too; but; as it
were; piecemeal; in trivial ways; from behind the stove;
incognito; without believing either in its own right to
vengeance; or in the success of its revenge; knowing that from
all its efforts at revenge it will suffer a hundred times more
than he on whom it revenges itself; while he; I daresay; will not
even scratch himself。 On its deathbed it will recall it all over
again; with interest accumulated over all the years and 。。。 But
it is just in that cold; abominable half despair; half belief; in
that conscious burying oneself alive for grief in the underworld
for forty years; in that acutely recognised and yet partly
doubtful hopelessness of one's position; in that hell of
unsatisfied desires turned inward; in that fever of oscillations;
of resolutions determined for ever and repented of again a minute
laterthat the savour of that strange enjoyment of which I have
spoken lies。 It is so subtle; so difficult of analysis; that
persons who are a little limited; or even simply persons of
strong nerves; will not understand a single atom of it。
〃Possibly;〃 you will add on your own account with a grin; 〃people
will not understand it either who have never received a slap in
the face;〃 and in that way you will politely hint to me that I;
too; perhaps; have had the experience of a slap in the face in my
life; and so I speak as one who knows。 I bet that you are
thinking that。 But set your minds at rest; gentlemen; I have not
received a slap in the face; though it is absolutely a matter of
indifference to me what you may think about it。 Possibly; I even
regret; myself; that I have given so few slaps in the face during
my life。 But enough 。。。 not another word on that subject of such
extreme interest to you。
I will continue calmly concerning persons with strong nerves who
do not understand a certain refinement of enjoyment。 Though in
certain circumstances these gentlemen bellow their loudest like
bulls; though this; let us suppose; does them the greatest
credit; yet; as I have said already; confronted with the
impossible they subside at once。 The impossible means the stone
wall! What stone wall? Why; of course; the laws of nature; the
deductions of natural science; mathematics。 As soon as they
prove to you; for instance; that you are descended from a monkey;
then it is no use scowling; accept it for a fact。 When they
prove to you that in reality one drop of your own fat must be
dearer to you than a hundred thousand of your fellow…creatures;
and that this conclusion is the final solution of all so…called
virtues and duties and al