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〃Why have you come here?〃 I asked her; with a note of authority
already in my voice。
〃Oh; I don't know。〃
〃But how nice it would be to be living in your father's house!
It's warm and free; you have a home of your own。〃
〃But what if it's worse than this?〃
〃I must take the right tone;〃 flashed through my mind。 〃I may
not get far with sentimentality。〃 But it was only a momentary
thought。 I swear she really did interest me。 Besides; I was
exhausted and moody。 And cunning so easily goes hand…in…hand
with feeling。
〃Who denies it!〃 I hastened to answer。 〃Anything may happen。 I
am convinced that someone has wronged you; and that you are more
sinned against than sinning。 Of course; I know nothing of your
story; but it's not likely a girl like you has come here of her
own inclination。。。 。〃
〃A girl like me?〃 she whispered; hardly audibly; but I heard it。
Damn it all; I was flattering her。 That was horrid。 But perhaps
it was a good thing。。。。 She was silent。
〃See; Liza; I will tell you about myself。 If I had had a home
from childhood; I shouldn't be what I am now。 I often think
that。 However bad it may be at home; anyway they are your father
and mother; and not enemies; strangers。 Once a year at least;
they'll show their love of you。 Anyway; you know you are at
home。 I grew up without a home; and perhaps that's why I've
turned so。。。unfeeling。〃
I waited again。 〃Perhaps she doesn't understand;〃 I thought;
〃and; indeed; it is absurdit's moralising。〃
〃If I were a father and had a daughter; I believe I should love
my daughter more than my sons; really;〃 I began indirectly; as
though talking of something else; to distract her attention。 I
must confess I blushed。
〃Why so?〃 she asked。
Ah! so she was listening!
〃I don't know; Liza。 I knew a father who was a stern; austere
man; but used to go down on his knees to his daughter; used to
kiss her hands; her feet; he couldn't make enough of her; really。
When she danced at parties he used to stand for five hours at a
stretch; gazing at her。 He was mad over her: I understand that!
She would fall asleep tired at night; and he would wake to kiss
her in her sleep and make the sign of the cross over her。 He
would go about in a dirty old coat; he was stingy to everyone
else; but would spend his last penny for her; giving her
expensive presents; and it was his greatest delight when she was
pleased with what he gave her。 Fathers always love their
daughters more than the mothers do。 Some girls live happily at
home! And I believe I should never let my daughters marry。〃
〃What next?〃 she said; with a faint smile。
〃I should be jealous; I really should。 To think that she should
kiss anyone else! That she should love a stranger more than her
father! It's painful to imagine it。 Of course; that's all
nonsense; of course every father would be reasonable at last。
But I believe before I should let her marry; I should worry
myself to death; I should find fault with all her suitors。 But I
should end by letting her marry whom she herself loved。 The one
whom the daughter loves always seems the worst to the father; you
know。 That is always so。 So many family troubles come from
that。〃
〃Some are glad to sell their daughters; rather than marrying them
honourably。〃
Ah; so that was it!
〃Such a thing; Liza; happens in those accursed families in which
there is neither love nor God;〃 I retorted warmly; 〃and where
there is no love; there is no sense either。 There are such
families; it's true; but I am not speaking of them。 You must
have seen wickedness in your own family; if you talk like that。
Truly; you must have been unlucky。 H'm! 。。。that sort of thing
mostly comes about through poverty。〃
〃And is it any better with the gentry? Even among the poor;
honest people who live happily?〃
〃H'm。。。yes。 Perhaps。 Another thing; Liza; man is fond of
reckoning up his troubles; but does not count his joys。 If he
counted them up as he ought; he would see that every lot has
enough happiness provided for it。 And what if all goes well with
the family; if the blessing of God is upon it; if the husband is
a good one; loves you; cherishes you; never leaves you! There is
happiness in such a family! Even sometimes there is happiness in
the midst of sorrow; and indeed sorrow is everywhere。 If you
marry _you will find out for yourself_。 But think of the first
years of married life with one you love: what happiness; what
happiness there sometimes is in it! And indeed it's the ordinary
thing。 In those early days even quarrels with one's husband end
happily。 Some women get up quarrels with their husbands just
because they love them。 Indeed; I knew a woman like that: she
seemed to say that because she loved him; she would torment him
and make him feel it。 You know that you may torment a man on
purpose through love。 Women are particularly given to that;
thinking to themselves 'I will love him so; I will make so much
of him afterwards; that it's no sin to torment him a little now。'
And all in the house rejoice in the sight of you; and you are
happy and gay and peaceful and honourable。。。。 Then there are some
women who are jealous。 If he went off anywhereI knew one such
woman; she couldn't restrain herself; but would jump up at night
and run off on the sly to find out where he was; whether he was
with some other woman。 That's a pity。 And the woman knows
herself it's wrong; and her heart fails her and she suffers; but
she lovesit's all through love。 And how sweet it is to make up
after quarrels; to own herself in the wrong or to forgive him!
And they both are so happy all at onceas though they had met
anew; been married over again; as though their love had begun
afresh。 And no one; no one should know what passes between
husband and wife if they love one another。 And whatever quarrels
there may be between them they ought not to call in their own
mother to judge between them and tell tales of one another。 They
are their own judges。 Love is a holy mystery and ought to be
hidden from all other eyes; whatever happens。 That makes it
holier and better。 They respect one another more; and much is
built on respect。 And if once there has been love; if they have
been married for love; why should love pass away? Surely one can
keep it! It is rare that one cannot keep it。 And if the husband
is kind and straightforward; why should not love last? The first
phase of married love will pass; it is true; but then there will
come a love that is better still。 Then there will be the union
of souls; they will have everything in common; there will be no
secrets between them。 And once they have children; the most
difficult times will seem to them happy; so long as there is love
and courage。 Even toil will be a joy; you may deny yourself
bread for your children and even that will be a joy; They