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slap in the face！〃
V
〃So this is it； this is it at lastcontact with real life；〃 I
muttered as I ran headlong downstairs。 〃This is very different
from the Pope's leaving Rome and going to Brazil； very different
from the ball on Lake Como！〃
〃You are a scoundrel；〃 a thought flashed through my mind； 〃if you
laugh at this now。〃
〃No matter！〃 I cried； answering myself。 〃Now everything is
lost！〃
There was no trace to be seen of them； but that made no
differenceI knew where they had gone。
At the steps was standing a solitary night sledge…driver in a
rough peasant coat； powdered over with the still falling； wet；
and as it were warm； snow。 It was hot and steamy。 The little
shaggy piebald horse was also covered with snow and coughing； I
remember that very well。 I made a rush for the roughly made
sledge； but as soon as I raised my foot to get into it； the
recollection of how Simonov had just given me six roubles seemed
to double me up and I tumbled into the sledge like a sack。
〃No； I must do a great deal to make up for all that；〃 I cried。
〃But I will make up for it or perish on the spot this very night。
Start！〃
We set off。 There was a perfect whirl in my head。
〃They won't go down on their knees to beg for my friendship。
That is a mirage； cheap mirage； revolting； romantic and
fantasticalthat's another ball on Lake Como。 And so I am bound
to slap Zverkov's face！ It is my duty to。 And so it is settled；
I am flying to give him a slap in the face。 Hurry up！〃
The driver tugged at the reins。
〃As soon as I go in I'll give it him。 Ought I before giving him
the slap to say a few words by way of preface？ No。 I'll simply
go in and give it him。 They will all be sitting in the
drawing…room； and he with Olympia on the sofa。 That damned
Olympia！ She laughed at my looks on one occasion and refused me。
I'll pull Olympia's hair； pull Zverkov's ears！ No； better one
ear； and pull him by it round the room。 Maybe they will all
begin beating me and will kick me out。 That's most likely；
indeed。 No matter！ Anyway； I shall first slap him； the
initiative will be mine； and by the laws of honour that is
everything： he will be branded and cannot wipe off the slap by
any blows； by nothing but a duel。 He will be forced to fight。
And let them beat me now。 Let them； the ungrateful wretches！
Trudolyubov will beat me hardest； he is so strong； Ferfitchkin
will be sure to catch hold sideways and tug at my hair。 But no
matter； no matter！ That's what I am going for。 The blockheads
will be forced at last to see the tragedy of it all！ When they
drag me to the door I shall call out to them that in reality they
are not worth my little finger。 Get on； driver； get on！〃 I cried
to the driver。 He started and flicked his whip； I shouted so
savagely。
〃We shall fight at daybreak； that's a settled thing。 I've done
with the office。 Ferfitchkin made a joke about it just now。 But
where can I get pistols？ Nonsense！ I'll get my salary in
advance and buy them。 And powder； and bullets？ That's the
second's business。 And how can it all be done by daybreak？ and
where am I to get a second？ I have no friends。 Nonsense！〃 I
cried； lashing myself up more and more。 〃It's of no consequence！
the first person I meet in the street is bound to be my second；
just as he would be bound to pull a drowning man out of water。
The most eccentric things may happen。 Even if I were to ask the
director himself to be my second tomorrow； he would be bound to
consent； if only from a feeling of chivalry； and to keep the
secret！ Anton Antonitch。。。。〃
The fact is； that at that very minute the disgusting absurdity of
my plan and the other side of the question was clearer and more
vivid to my imagination than it could be to anyone on earth。 But
。。。。
〃Get on； driver； get on； you rascal； get on！〃
〃Ugh； sir！〃 said the son of toil。
Cold shivers suddenly ran down me。 Wouldn't it be better。。。to go
straight home？ My God； my God！ Why did I invite myself to this
dinner yesterday？ But no； it's impossible。 And my walking up
and down for three hours from the table to the stove？ No； they；
they and no one else must pay for my walking up and down！ They
must wipe out this dishonour！ Drive on！
And what if they give me into custody？ They won't dare！ They'll
be afraid of the scandal。 And what if Zverkov is so contemptuous
that he refuses to fight a duel？ He is sure to； but in that case
I'll show them。。。I will turn up at the posting station when he's
setting off tomorrow； I'll catch him by the leg； I'll pull off
his coat when he gets into the carriage。 I'll get my teeth into
his hand； I'll bite him。 〃See what lengths you can drive a
desperate man to！〃 He may hit me on the head and they may
belabour me from behind。 I will shout to the assembled
multitude： 〃Look at this young puppy who is driving off to
captivate the Circassian girls after letting me spit in his
face！〃
Of course； after that everything will be over！ The office will
have vanished off the face of the earth。 I shall be arrested； I
shall be tried； I shall be dismissed from the service； thrown in
prison； sent to Siberia。 Never mind！ In fifteen years when they
let me out of prison I will trudge off to him； a beggar； in rags。
I shall find him in some provincial town。 He will be married and
happy。 He will have a grown…up daughter。。。。 I shall say to him：
〃Look； monster； at my hollow cheeks and my rags！ I've lost
everythingmy career； my happiness； art； science； _the woman I
loved_； and all through you。 Here are pistols。 I have come to
discharge my pistol and。。。and I。。。forgive you。 Then I shall fire
into the air and he will hear nothing more of me。。。。〃
I was actually on the point of tears； though I knew perfectly
well at that moment that all this was out of Pushkin's Silvio and
Lermontov's Masquerade。 And all at once I felt horribly ashamed；
so ashamed that I stopped the horse； got out of the sledge； and
stood still in the snow in the middle of the street。 The driver
gazed at me； sighing and astonished。
What was I to do？ I could not go on thereit was evidently
stupid； and I could not leave things as they were； because that
would seem as though 。。。 Heavens； how could I leave things！ And
after such insults！ 〃No！〃 I cried； throwing myself into the
sledge again。 〃It is ordained！ It is fate！ Drive on； drive
on！〃
And in my impatience I punched the sledge…driver on the back of
the neck。
〃What are you up to？ What are you hitting me for？〃 the peasant
shouted； but he whipped up his nag so that it began kicking。
The wet snow was falling in big flakes； I unbuttoned myself；
regardless of it。 I forgot everything else； for I had finally
decided on the slap； and felt with horror that it was going to
happen _now； at once_； and that _no force could stop it_。 The
deserted street lamps