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fellow； who affected a most sensitive feeling of personal honour；
though； of course； he was a wretched little coward at heart。 He
was one of those worshippers of Zverkov who made up to the latter
from interested motives； and often borrowed money from him。
Simonov's other visitor； Trudolyubov； was a person in no way
remarkablea tall young fellow； in the army； with a cold face；
fairly honest； though he worshipped success of every sort； and
was only capable of thinking of promotion。 He was some sort of
distant relation of Zverkov's； and this； foolish as it seems；
gave him a certain importance among us。 He always thought me of
no consequence whatever； his behaviour to me； though not quite
courteous； was tolerable。
〃Well； with seven roubles each；〃 said Trudolyubov； 〃twenty…one
roubles between the three of us； we ought to be able to get a
good dinner。 Zverkov； of course； won't pay。〃
〃Of course not； since we are inviting him；〃 Simonov decided。
〃Can you imagine；〃 Ferfitchkin interrupted hotly and conceitedly；
like some insolent flunkey boasting of his master the General's
decorations； 〃can you imagine that Zverkov will let us pay alone？
He will accept from delicacy； but he will order half a dozen
bottles of champagne。〃
〃Do we want half a dozen for the four of us？〃 observed
Trudolyubov； taking notice only of the half dozen。
〃So the three of us； with Zverkov for the fourth； twenty…one
roubles； at the Hotel de Paris at five o'clock tomorrow；〃
Simonov； who had been asked to make the arrangements； concluded
finally。
〃How twenty…one roubles？〃 I asked in some agitation； with a show
of being offended； 〃if you count me it will not be twenty…one；
but twenty…eight roubles。〃
It seemed to me that to invite myself so suddenly and
unexpectedly would be positively graceful； and that they would
all be conquered at once and would look at me with respect。
〃Do you want to join； too？〃 Simonov observed； with no appearance
of pleasure； seeming to avoid looking at me。 He knew me through
and through。
It infuriated me that he knew me so thoroughly。
〃Why not？ I am an old schoolfellow of his； too； I believe； and I
must own I feel hurt that you have left me out；〃 I said； boiling
over again。
〃And where were we to find you？〃 Ferfitchkin put in roughly。
〃You never were on good terms with Zverkov；〃 Trudolyubov added；
frowning。
But I had already clutched at the idea and would not give it up。
〃It seems to me that no one has a right to form an opinion upon
that；〃 I retorted in a shaking voice； as though something
tremendous had happened。 〃Perhaps that is just my reason for
wishing it now； that I have not always been on good terms with
him。〃
〃Oh； there's no making you out。。。with these refinements；〃
Trudolyubov jeered。
〃We'll put your name down；〃 Simonov decided； addressing me。
〃Tomorrow at five…o'clock at the Hotel de Paris。〃
〃What about the money？〃 Ferfitchkin began in an undertone；
indicating me to Simonov； but he broke off； for even Simonov was
embarrassed。
〃That will do；〃 said Trudolyubov； getting up。 〃If he wants to
come so much； let him。〃
〃But it's a private thing； between us friends；〃 Ferfitchkin said
crossly； as he； too； picked up his hat。 〃It's not an official
gathering。〃
〃We do not want at all； perhaps。。。〃
They went away。 Ferfitchkin did not greet me in any way as he
went out； Trudolyubov barely nodded。 Simonov； with whom I was
left tete…a…tete； was in a state of vexation and perplexity； and
looked at me queerly。 He did not sit down and did not ask me to。
〃H'm 。。。 yes 。。。 tomorrow； then。 Will you pay your subscription
now？ I just ask so as to know；〃 he muttered in embarrassment。
I flushed crimson； as I did so I remembered that I had owed
Simonov fifteen roubles for ageswhich I had； indeed； never
forgotten； though I had not paid it。
〃You will understand； Simonov； that I could have no idea when I
came here。。。。I am very much vexed that I have forgotten 。。。。〃
〃All right； all right； that doesn't matter。 You can pay tomorrow
after the dinner。 I simply wanted to know。。。。Please don't。。。〃
He broke off and began pacing the room still more vexed。 As he
walked he began to stamp with his heels。
〃Am I keeping you？〃 I asked； after two minutes of silence。
〃Oh！〃 he said； starting； 〃that isto be truthfulyes。 I have
to go and see someone。。。not far from here；〃 he added in an
apologetic voice； somewhat abashed。
〃My goodness； why didn't you say so？〃 I cried； seizing my cap；
with an astonishingly free…and…easy air； which was the last thing
I should have expected of myself
〃It's close by。。。not two paces away；〃 Simonov repeated；
accompanying me to the front door with a fussy air which did not
suit him at all。 〃So five o'clock； punctually； tomorrow；〃 he
called down the stairs after me。 He was very glad to get rid of
me。 I was in a fury。
〃What possessed me； what possessed me to force myself upon them？〃
I wondered； grinding my teeth as I strode along the street； 〃for
a scoundrel； a pig like that Zverkov！ Of course I had better not
go； of course； I must just snap my fingers at them。 I am not
bound in any way。 I'll send Simonov a note by tomorrow's
post。。。。〃
But what made me furious was that I knew for certain that I
should go； that I should make a point of going； and the more
tactless； the more unseemly my going would be； the more certainly
I would go。
And there was a positive obstacle to my going： I had no money。
All I had was nine roubles； I had to give seven of that to my
servant； Apollon； for his monthly wages。 That was all I paid
himhe had to keep himself。
Not to pay him was impossible； considering his character。 But I
will talk about that fellow； about that plague of mine； another
time。
However； I knew I should go and should not pay him his wages。
That night I had the most hideous dreams。 No wonder； all the
evening I had been oppressed by memories of my miserable days at
school； and I could not shake them off。 I was sent to the school
by distant relations； upon whom I was dependent and of whom I
have heard nothing sincethey sent me there a forlorn； silent
boy； already crushed by their reproaches； already troubled by
doubt； and looking with savage distrust at everyone。 My
schoolfellows met me with spiteful and merciless jibes because I
was not like any of them。 But I could not endure their taunts； I
could not give in to them with the ignoble readiness with which
they gave in to one another。 I hated them from the first； and
shut myself away from everyone in timid； wounded and
disproportionate pride。 Their coarseness revolted me。 They
laughed cynically at my face； at my clumsy figure； and yet what
stupid faces they had themselves。 In our school the boys' faces
seemed in a special way to degenerate and grow stupider。 How
many fine…looking boys came