按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
have been bricked up； and the service books are musty； and the
pulpit cushions are threadbare； and the whole of the church
furniture is in a very advanced stage of exhaustion。 We are three
old women （habitual）； two young lovers （accidental）； two tradesmen；
one with a wife and one alone； an aunt and nephew； again two girls
（these two girls dressed out for church with everything about them
limp that should be stiff； and VICE VERSA； are an invariable
experience）； and three sniggering boys。 The clergyman is； perhaps；
the chaplain of a civic company； he has the moist and vinous look；
and eke the bulbous boots； of one acquainted with 'Twenty port； and
comet vintages。
We are so quiet in our dulness that the three sniggering boys； who
have got away into a corner by the altar…railing； give us a start；
like crackers； whenever they laugh。 And this reminds me of my own
village church where； during sermon…time on bright Sundays when the
birds are very musical indeed； farmers' boys patter out over the
stone pavement； and the clerk steps out from his desk after them；
and is distinctly heard in the summer repose to pursue and punch
them in the churchyard； and is seen to return with a meditative
countenance； making believe that nothing of the sort has happened。
The aunt and nephew in this City church are much disturbed by the
sniggering boys。 The nephew is himself a boy； and the sniggerers
tempt him to secular thoughts of marbles and string； by secretly
offering such commodities to his distant contemplation。 This young
Saint Anthony for a while resists； but presently becomes a
backslider； and in dumb show defies the sniggerers to 'heave' a
marble or two in his direction。 Here in he is detected by the aunt
（a rigorous reduced gentlewoman who has the charge of offices）； and
I perceive that worthy relative to poke him in the side； with the
corrugated hooked handle of an ancient umbrella。 The nephew
revenges himself for this； by holding his breath and terrifying his
kinswoman with the dread belief that he has made up his mind to
burst。 Regardless of whispers and shakes； he swells and becomes
discoloured； and yet again swells and becomes discoloured； until
the aunt can bear it no longer； but leads him out； with no visible
neck； and with his eyes going before him like a prawn's。 This
causes the sniggerers to regard flight as an eligible move； and I
know which of them will go out first； because of the over…devout
attention that he suddenly concentrates on the clergyman。 In a
little while； this hypocrite； with an elaborate demonstration of
hushing his footsteps； and with a face generally expressive of
having until now forgotten a religious appointment elsewhere； is
gone。 Number two gets out in the same way； but rather quicker。
Number three getting safely to the door； there turns reckless； and
banging it open； flies forth with a Whoop！ that vibrates to the top
of the tower above us。
The clergyman； who is of a prandial presence and a muffled voice；
may be scant of hearing as well as of breath； but he only glances
up； as having an idea that somebody has said Amen in a wrong place；
and continues his steady jog…trot； like a farmer's wife going to
market。 He does all he has to do； in the same easy way； and gives
us a concise sermon； still like the jog…trot of the farmer's wife
on a level road。 Its drowsy cadence soon lulls the three old women
asleep； and the unmarried tradesman sits looking out at window； and
the married tradesman sits looking at his wife's bonnet； and the
lovers sit looking at one another； so superlatively happy； that I
mind when I； turned of eighteen； went with my Angelica to a City
church on account of a shower （by this special coincidence that it
was in Huggin…lane）； and when I said to my Angelica； 'Let the
blessed event； Angelica； occur at no altar but this！' and when my
Angelica consented that it should occur at no other … which it
certainly never did； for it never occurred anywhere。 And O；
Angelica； what has become of you； this present Sunday morning when
I can't attend to the sermon； and； more difficult question than
that； what has become of Me as I was when I sat by your side！
But； we receive the signal to make that unanimous dive which surely
is a little conventional … like the strange rustlings and settlings
and clearings of throats and noses； which are never dispensed with；
at certain points of the Church service； and are never held to be
necessary under any other circumstances。 In a minute more it is
all over； and the organ expresses itself to be as glad of it as it
can be of anything in its rheumatic state； and in another minute we
are all of us out of the church； and Whity…brown has locked it up。
Another minute or little more； and； in the neighbouring churchyard
… not the yard of that church； but of another … a churchyard like a
great shabby old mignonette box； with two trees in it and one tomb
… I meet Whity…brown； in his private capacity； fetching a pint of
beer for his dinner from the public…house in the corner； where the
keys of the rotting fire…ladders are kept and were never asked for；
and where there is a ragged； white…seamed； out…at…elbowed bagatelle
board on the first floor。
In one of these City churches； and only in one； I found an
individual who might have been claimed as expressly a City
personage。 I remember the church； by the feature that the
clergyman couldn't get to his own desk without going through the
clerk's； or couldn't get to the pulpit without going through the
reading…desk … I forget which； and it is no matter … and by the
presence of this personage among the exceedingly sparse
congregation。 I doubt if we were a dozen； and we had no exhausted
charity school to help us out。 The personage was dressed in black
of square cut； and was stricken in years； and wore a black velvet
cap； and cloth shoes。 He was of a staid； wealthy； and dissatisfied
aspect。 In his hand； he conducted to church a mysterious child： a
child of the feminine gender。 The child had a beaver hat； with a
stiff drab plume that surely never belonged to any bird of the air。
The child was further attired in a nankeen frock and spencer； brown
boxing…gloves； and a veil。 It had a blemish； in the nature of
currant jelly； on its chin； and was a thirsty child。 Insomuch that
the personage carried in his pocket a green bottle； from which；
when the first psalm was given out； the child was openly refreshed。
At all other times throughout the service it was motionless； and
stood on the seat of the large pew； closely fitted into the corner；
like a rain…water pipe。
The personage never opened his book； and never looked at the
clergyman。 He never sat down either； but stood with his arms
leaning on the top of the pew； and his forehead sometimes shaded
with his right hand； always looking at the church door。 It was a
long church for a church of its size； and he was at the upper end；
but he always looked