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pointed out to Bullfinch the alarming circumstance that this
traveller had DINED。 We hurriedly debated whether； without
infringement of good breeding； we could ask him to disclose if he
had partaken of mock…turtle； sole； curry； or roast duck？ We
decided that the thing could not be politely done； and we had set
our own stomachs on a cast； and they must stand the hazard of the
die。
I hold phrenology； within certain limits； to be true； I am much of
the same mind as to the subtler expressions of the hand； I hold
physiognomy to be infallible； though all these sciences demand rare
qualities in the student。 But I also hold that there is no more
certain index to personal character than the condition of a set of
casters is to the character of any hotel。 Knowing； and having
often tested this theory of mine； Bullfinch resigned himself to the
worst； when； laying aside any remaining veil of disguise； I held up
before him in succession the cloudy oil and furry vinegar； the
clogged cayenne； the dirty salt； the obscene dregs of soy； and the
anchovy sauce in a flannel waistcoat of decomposition。
We went out to transact our business。 So inspiriting was the
relief of passing into the clean and windy streets of Namelesston
from the heavy and vapid closeness of the coffee…room of the
Temeraire； that hope began to revive within us。 We began to
consider that perhaps the lonely traveller had taken physic； or
done something injudicious to bring his complaint on。 Bullfinch
remarked that he thought the waiter who ought to wait upon us had
brightened a little when suggesting curry； and although I knew him
to have been at that moment the express image of despair； I allowed
myself to become elevated in spirits。 As we walked by the softly…
lapping sea； all the notabilities of Namelesston； who are for ever
going up and down with the changelessness of the tides； passed to
and fro in procession。 Pretty girls on horseback； and with
detested riding…masters； pretty girls on foot； mature ladies in
hats； … spectacled； strong…minded； and glaring at the opposite or
weaker sex。 The Stock Exchange was strongly represented； Jerusalem
was strongly represented； the bores of the prosier London clubs
were strongly represented。 Fortune…hunters of all denominations
were there； from hirsute insolvency； in a curricle； to closely…
buttoned swindlery in doubtful boots； on the sharp look…out for any
likely young gentleman disposed to play a game at billiards round
the corner。 Masters of languages； their lessons finished for the
day； were going to their homes out of sight of the sea； mistresses
of accomplishments； carrying small portfolios； likewise tripped
homeward； pairs of scholastic pupils； two and two； went languidly
along the beach； surveying the face of the waters as if waiting for
some Ark to come and take them off。 Spectres of the George the
Fourth days flitted unsteadily among the crowd； bearing the outward
semblance of ancient dandies； of every one of whom it might be
said； not that he had one leg in the grave； or both legs； but that
he was steeped in grave to the summit of his high shirt…collar； and
had nothing real about him but his bones。 Alone stationary in the
midst of all the movements； the Namelesston boatmen leaned against
the railings and yawned； and looked out to sea； or looked at the
moored fishing…boats and at nothing。 Such is the unchanging manner
of life with this nursery of our hardy seamen； and very dry nurses
they are； and always wanting something to drink。 The only two
nautical personages detached from the railing were the two
fortunate possessors of the celebrated monstrous unknown barking…
fish； just caught （frequently just caught off Namelesston）； who
carried him about in a hamper； and pressed the scientific to look
in at the lid。
The sands of the hour had all run out when we got back to the
Temeraire。 Says Bullfinch； then； to the youth in livery； with
boldness； 'Lavatory！'
When we arrived at the family vault with a skylight； which the
youth in livery presented as the institution sought； we had already
whisked off our cravats and coats； but finding ourselves in the
presence of an evil smell； and no linen but two crumpled towels
newly damp from the countenances of two somebody elses； we put on
our cravats and coats again； and fled unwashed to the coffee…room。
There the waiter who ought to wait upon us had set forth our knives
and forks and glasses； on the cloth whose dirty acquaintance we had
already had the pleasure of making； and which we were pleased to
recognise by the familiar expression of its stains。 And now there
occurred the truly surprising phenomenon； that the waiter who ought
not to wait upon us swooped down upon us； clutched our loaf of
bread； and vanished with the same。
Bullfinch； with distracted eyes； was following this unaccountable
figure 'out at the portal；' like the ghost in Hamlet； when the
waiter who ought to wait upon us jostled against it； carrying a
tureen。
'Waiter！' said a severe diner； lately finished； perusing his bill
fiercely through his eye…glass。
The waiter put down our tureen on a remote side…table； and went to
see what was amiss in this new direction。
'This is not right； you know； waiter。 Look here！ here's
yesterday's sherry； one and eightpence； and here we are again； two
shillings。 And what does sixpence mean？'
So far from knowing what sixpence meant； the waiter protested that
he didn't know what anything meant。 He wiped the perspiration from
his clammy brow； and said it was impossible to do it； … not
particularising what； … and the kitchen was so far off。
'Take the bill to the bar； and get it altered；' said Mr。
Indignation Cocker； so to call him。
The waiter took it； looked intensely at it； didn't seem to like the
idea of taking it to the bar； and submitted； as a new light upon
the case； that perhaps sixpence meant sixpence。
'I tell you again；' said Mr。 Indignation Cocker； 'here's
yesterday's sherry … can't you see it？ … one and eightpence； and
here we are again； two shillings。 What do you make of one and
eightpence and two shillings？'
Totally unable to make anything of one and eightpence and two
shillings； the waiter went out to try if anybody else could； merely
casting a helpless backward glance at Bullfinch； in acknowledgement
of his pathetic entreaties for our soup…tureen。 After a pause；
during which Mr。 Indignation Cocker read a newspaper and coughed
defiant coughs； Bullfinch arose to get the tureen； when the waiter
reappeared and brought it； … dropping Mr。 Indignation Cocker's
altered bill on Mr。 Indignation Cocker's table as he came along。
'It's quite impossible to do it； gentlemen；' murmured the waiter；
'and the kitchen is so far off。'
'Well； you don't keep the house； it's not your fault； we suppose。
Bring some sherry。'
'Waiter！' from Mr。 Indignation Cocker； with a new and burning sense
of