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； my spirits quite failed me at first。 I thought I had done my beststrained every nerve to please her； and to be treated in that way； merely because I was shy and sometimes melancholy； was too bad。 At first I was for giving all up and going home。 But； after a little reflection； I determined to summon what energy I had； and to weather the storm。 I said to myself； 'I have never yet quitted a place without gaining a friend； adversity is a good school； the poor are born to labour； and the dependent to endure。' I resolved to be patient； to command my feelings； and to take what came； the ordeal； I reflected； would not last many weeks； and I trusted it would do me good。 I recollected the fable of the willow and the oak； I bent quietly； and now； I trust； the storm is blowing over me。 Mrs。is generally considered an agreeable woman； so she is； I doubt not； in general society。 She behaves somewhat more civilly to me now than she did at first； and the children are a little more manageable； but she does not know my character； and she does not wish to know it。 I have never had five minutes' conversation with her since I came； except while she was scolding me。 I have no wish to be pitied； except by yourself； if I were talking to you I could tell you much more。〃
（TO EMILY； ABOUT THIS TIME。）
〃Mine bonnie love； I was as glad of your letter as tongue can express： it is a real； genuine pleasure to hear from home； a thing to be saved till bedtime； when one has a moment's quiet and rest to enjoy it thoroughly。 Write whenever you can。 I could like to be at home。 I could like to work in a mill。 I could like to feel some mental liberty。 I could like this weight of restraint to be taken off。 But the holidays will come。 Coraggio。〃
Her temporary engagement in this uncongenial family ended in the July of this year； not before the constant strain upon her spirits and strength had again affected her health； but when this delicacy became apparent in palpitations and shortness of breathing； it was treated as affectationas a phase of imaginary indisposition； which could be dissipated by a good scolding。 She had been brought up rather in a school of Spartan endurance than in one of maudlin self…indulgence； and could bear many a pain and relinquish many a hope in silence。
After she had been at home about a week； her friend proposed that she should accompany her in some little excursion； having pleasure alone for its object。 She caught at the idea most eagerly at first； but her hope stood still； waned； and had almost disappeared before； after many delays； it was realised。 In its fulfilment at last； it was a favourable specimen of many a similar air…bubble dancing before her eyes in her brief career； in which stern realities； rather than pleasures； formed the leading incidents。
〃July 26th； 1839。
〃Your proposal has almost driven me 'clean daft'if you don't understand that ladylike expression； you must ask me what it means when I see you。 The fact is； an excursion with you anywhere； whether to Cleathorpe or Canada；just by ourselves； would be to me most delightful。 I should； indeed； like to go； but I can't get leave of absence for longer than a week； and I'm afraid that would not suit youmust I then give it up entirely？ I feel as if I COULD NOT； I never had such a chance of enjoyment before； I do want to see you and talk to you； and be with you。 When do you wish to go？ Could I meet you at Leeds？ To take a gig from Haworth to B。； would be to me a very serious increase of expense； and I happen to be very low in cash。 Oh！ rich people seem to have many pleasures at their command which we are debarred from！ However； no repining。
〃Say when you go； and I shall be able in my answer to say decidedly whether I can accompany you or not。 I mustI willI'm set upon itI'll be obstinate and bear down all opposition。
〃P。S。Since writing the above； I find that aunt and papa have determined to go to Liverpool for a fortnight； and take us all with them。 It is stipulated； however； that I should give up the Cleathorpe scheme。 I yield reluctantly。〃
I fancy that； about this time； Mr。 Bronte found it necessary； either from failing health or the increased populousness of the parish； to engage the assistance of a curate。 At least； it is in a letter written this summer that I find mention of the first of a succession of curates； who henceforward revolved round Haworth Parsonage； and made an impression on the mind of one of its inmates which she has conveyed pretty distinctly to the world。 The Haworth curate brought his clerical friends and neighbours about the place； and for a time the incursions of these； near the parsonage tea…time； formed occurrences by which the quietness of the life there was varied； sometimes pleasantly； sometimes disagreeably。 The little adventure recorded at the end of the following letter is uncommon in the lot of most women； and is a testimony in this case to the unusual power of attractionthough so plain in featurewhich Charlotte possessed； when she let herself go in the happiness and freedom of home。
〃August 4th； 1839。
〃The Liverpool journey is yet a matter of talk； a sort of castle in the air； but； between you and me； I fancy it is very doubtful whether it will ever assume a more solid shape。 Auntlike many other elderly peoplelikes to talk of such things； but when it comes to putting them into actual execution； she rather falls off。 Such being the case； I think you and I had better adhere to our first plan of going somewhere together independently of other people。 I have got leave to accompany you for a weekat the utmost a fortnightbut no more。 Where do you wish to go？ Burlington； I should think； from what M。 says； would be as eligible a place as any。 When do you set off？ Arrange all these things according to your convenience； I shall start no objections。 The idea of seeing the seaof being near itwatching its changes by sunrise； sunset； moonlight； and noon…dayin calm； perhaps in stormfills and satisfies my mind。 I shall be discontented at nothing。 And then I am not to be with a set of people with whom I have nothing in commonwho would be nuisances and bores： but with you； whom I like and know； and who knows me。
〃I have an odd circumstance to relate to you： prepare for a hearty laugh！ The other day； Mr。 …； a vicar； came to spend the day with us； bringing with him his own curate。 The latter gentleman； by name Mr。 B。； is a young Irish clergyman； fresh from Dublin University。 It was the first time we had any of us seen him； but； however； after the manner of his countrymen； he soon made himself at home。 His character quickly appeared in his conversation； witty； lively； ardent； clever too； but deficient in the dignity and discretion of an Englishman。 At home； you know； I talk with ease； and am never shynever weighed down and oppressed by that miserable MAUVAISE HONTE which torments and constrains me elsewhere。 So I conversed with this Irishman； and laughed at his jests； and； though I saw faults in his character； excused them because of the amusement his originality afforded。 I cooled a little； indeed； and drew in towards the latter part of the evening； because he began to season his conver