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conversations; or pauses of silence as agreeable; because each felt that as soon as a thought or remark occurred which they wished to express; there was an intelligent companion ready to sympathise; and yet they were not compelled to 〃make talk。〃
Miss W… was always anxious to afford Miss Bronte every opportunity of recreation in her power; but the difficulty often was to persuade her to avail herself of the invitations which came; urging her to spend Saturday and Sunday with 〃E。〃 and 〃Mary;〃 in their respective homes; that lay within the distance of a walk。 She was too apt to consider; that allowing herself a holiday was a dereliction of duty; and to refuse herself the necessary change; from something of an over…ascetic spirit; betokening a loss of healthy balance in either body or mind。 Indeed; it is clear that such was the case; from a passage; referring to this time; in the letter of 〃Mary〃 from which I have before given extracts。
〃Three years after〃 (the period when they were at school together)〃I heard that she had gone as teacher to Miss W…'s。 I went to see her; and asked how she could give so much for so little money; when she could live without it。 She owned that; after clothing herself and Anne; there was nothing left; though she had hoped to be able to save something。 She confessed it was not brilliant; but what could she do? I had nothing to answer。 She seemed to have no interest or pleasure beyond the feeling of duty; and; when she could get; used to sit alone; and 'make out。' She told me afterwards; that one evening she had sat in the dressing…room until it was quite dark; and then observing it all at once; had taken sudden fright。〃 No doubt she remembered this well when she described a similar terror getting hold upon Jane Eyre。 She says in the story; 〃I sat looking at the white bed and overshadowed wallsoccasionally turning a fascinated eye towards the gleaming mirrorI began to recall what I had heard of dead men troubled in their graves 。 。 。 I endeavoured to be firm; shaking my hair from my eyes; I lifted my head and tried to look boldly through the dark room; at this moment; a ray from the moon penetrated some aperture in the blind。 No! moon light was still; and this stirred 。 。 。 prepared as my mind was for horror; shaken as my nerves were by agitation; I thought the swift…darting beam was a herald of some coming vision from another world。 My heart beat thick; my head grew hot; a sound filled my ears which I deemed the rustling of wings; something seemed near me。〃 {4}
〃From that time;〃 Mary adds; 〃her imaginations became gloomy or frightful; she could not help it; nor help thinking。 She could not forget the gloom; could not sleep at night; nor attend in the day。
〃She told me that one night; sitting alone; about this time; she heard a voice repeat these lines:
〃'Come thou high and holy feeling; Shine o'er mountain; flit o'er wave; Gleam like light o'er dome and shielding。'
〃There were eight or ten more lines which I forget。 She insisted that she had not made them; that she had heard a voice repeat them。 It is possible that she had read them; and unconsciously recalled them。 They are not in the volume of poems which the sisters published。 She repeated a verse of Isaiah; which she said had inspired them; and which I have forgotten。 Whether the lines were recollected or invented; the tale proves such habits of sedentary; monotonous solitude of thought as would have shaken a feebler mind。〃
Of course; the state of health thus described came on gradually; and is not to be taken as a picture of her condition in 1836。 Yet even then there is a despondency in some of her expressions; that too sadly reminds one of some of Cowper's letters。 And it is remarkable how deeply his poems impressed her。 His words; his verses; came more frequently to her memory; I imagine; than those of any other poet。
〃Mary〃 says: 〃Cowper's poem; 'The Castaway;' was known to them all; and they all at times appreciated; or almost appropriated it。 Charlotte told me once that Branwell had done so; and though his depression was the result of his faults; it was in no other respect different from hers。 Both were not mental but physical illnesses。 She was well aware of this; and would ask how that mended matters; as the feeling was there all the same; and was not removed by knowing the cause。 She had a larger religious toleration than a person would have who had never questioned; and the manner of recommending religion was always that of offering comfort; not fiercely enforcing a duty。 One time I mentioned that some one had asked me what religion I was of (with the view of getting me for a partizan); and that I had said that that was between God and me;Emily (who was lying on the hearth…rug) exclaimed; 'That's right。' This was all I ever heard Emily say on religious subjects。 Charlotte was free from religious depression when in tolerable health; when that failed; her depression returned。 You have probably seen such instances。 They don't get over their difficulties; they forget them; when their stomach (or whatever organ it is that inflicts such misery on sedentary people) will let them。 I have heard her condemn Socinianism; Calvinism; and many other 'isms' inconsistent with Church of Englandism。 I used to wonder at her acquaintance with such subjects。〃
〃May 10th; 1836。
〃I was struck with the note you sent me with the umbrella; it showed a degree of interest in my concerns which I have no right to expect from any earthly creature。 I won't play the hypocrite; I won't answer your kind; gentle; friendly questions in the way you wish me to。 Don't deceive yourself by imagining I have a bit of real goodness about me。 My darling; if I were like you; I should have my face Zion…ward; though prejudice and error might occasionally fling a mist over the glorious vision before mebut I AM NOT LIKE YOU。 If you knew my thoughts; the dreams that absorb me; and the fiery imagination that at times eats me up; and makes me feel society; as it is; wretchedly insipid; you would pity and I dare say despise me。 But I know the treasures of the BIBLE; I love and adore them。 I can SEE the Well of Life in all its clearness and brightness; but when I stoop down to drink of the pure waters they fly from my lips as if I were Tantalus。
〃You are far too kind and frequent in your invitations。 You puzzle me。 I hardly know how to refuse; and it is still more embarrassing to accept。 At any rate; I cannot come this week; for we are in the very thickest melee of the Repetitions。 I was hearing the terrible fifth section when your note arrived。 But Miss Wooler says I must go to Mary next Friday; as she promised for me on Whit…Sunday; and on Sunday morning I will join you at church; if it be convenient; and stay till Monday。 There's a free and easy proposal! Miss W… has driven me to it。 She says her character is implicated。〃
Good; kind Miss W…! however monotonous and trying were the duties Charlotte had to perform under her roof; there was always a genial and thoughtful friend watching over her; and urging her to partake of any little piece of innocent recreation that might come in her way。 And in those Midsumme