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best of you。”
Arthur wanted to go home without saying any more—he was
too painfully embarrassed in mind； as well as too weak in body； to
wish for any further explanation to…night。 And yet it was a relief to
him that Adam reopened the subject in a way the least difficult for
him to answer。 Arthur was in the wretched position of an open；
generous man who has committed an error which makes
deception seem a necessity。 The native impulse to give truth in
return for truth； to meet trust with frank confession； must be
suppressed； and duty was becoming a question of tactics。 His deed
was reacting upon him—was already governing him tyrannously
and forcing him into a course that jarred with his habitual feelings。
The only aim that seemed admissible to him now was to deceive
Adam to the utmost： to make Adam think better of him than he
deserved。 And when he heard the words of honest retractation—
when he heard the sad appeal with which Adam ended—he was
obliged to rejoice in the remains of ignorant confidence it implied。
He did not answer immediately； for he had to be judicious and not
truthful。
“Say no more about our anger； Adam；” he said； at last； very
languidly； for the labour of speech was unwelcome to him； “I
forgive your momentary injustice—it was quite natural； with the
exaggerated notions you had in your mind。 We shall be none the
worse friends in future； I hope； because we’ve fought。 You had the
best of it； and that was as it should be； for I believe I’ve been most
in the wrong of the two。 Come； let us shake hands。”
Arthur held out his hand； but Adam sat still。
“I don’t like to say ‘No’ to that； sir；” he said； “but I can’t shake
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hands till it’s clear what we mean by ’t。 I was wrong when I spoke
as if you’d done me an injury knowingly； but I wasn’t wrong in
what I said before； about your behaviour t’ Hetty； and I can’t
shake hands with you as if I held you my friend the same as ever
till you’ve cleared that up better。”
Arthur swallowed his pride and resentment as he drew back his
hand。 He was silent for some moments； and then said； as
indifferently as he could； “I don’t know what you mean by clearing
up； Adam。 I’ve told you already that you think too seriously of a
little flirtation。 But if you are right in supposing there is any
danger in it—I’m going away on Saturday； and there will be an
end of it。 As for the pain it has given you； I’m heartily sorry for it。 I
can say no more。”
Adam said nothing； but rose from his chair and stood with his
face towards one of the windows； as if looking at the blackness of
the moonlit fir…trees； but he was in reality conscious of nothing but
the conflict within him。 It was of no use now—his resolution not to
speak till to…morrow。 He must speak there and then。 But it was
several minutes before he turned round and stepped nearer to
Arthur； standing and looking down on him as he lay。
“It’ll be better for me to speak plain；” he said； with evident
effort； “though it’s hard work。 You see； sir； this isn’t a trifle to me；
whatever it may be to you。 I’m none o’ them men as can go making
love first to one woman and then t’ another； and don’t think it
much odds which of ’em I take。 What I feel for Hetty’s a different
sort o’ love； such as I believe nobody can know much about but
them as feel it and God as has given it to ’em。 She’s more nor
everything else to me； all but my conscience and my good name。
And if it’s true what you’ve been saying all along—and if it’s only
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been trifling and flirting as you call it； as ’ll be put an end to by
your going away—why； then； I’d wait； and hope her heart ’ud turn
to me after all。 I’m loath to think you’d speak false to me； and I’ll
believe your word； however things may look。”
“You would be wronging Hetty more than me not to believe it；”
said Arthur； almost violently； starting up from the ottoman and
moving away。 But he threw himself into a chair again directly；
saying； more feebly； “You seem to forget that； in suspecting me；
you are casting imputations upon her。”
“Nay； sir；” Adam said； in a calmer voice； as if he were half…
relieved—for he was too straightforward to make a distinction
between a direct falsehood and an indirect one—“Nay； sir； things
don’t lie level between Hetty and you。 You’re acting with your eyes
open； whatever you may do； but how do you know what’s been in
her mind？ She’s all but a child—as any man with a conscience in
him ought to feel bound to take care on。 And whatever you may
think； I know you’ve disturbed her mind。 I know she’s been fixing
her heart on you； for there’s a many things clear to me now as I
didn’t understand before。 But you seem to make light o’ what she
may feel—you don’t think o’ that。”
“Good God； Adam； let me alone！” Arthur burst out impetuously；
“I feel it enough without your worrying me。”
He was aware of his indiscretion as soon as the words had
escaped him。
“Well； then； if you feel it；” Adam rejoined； eagerly； “if you feel
as you may ha’ put false notions into her mind； and made her
believe as you loved her； when all the while you meant nothing；
I’ve this demand to make of you—I’m not speaking for myself； but
for her。 I ask you t’ undeceive her before you go away。 Y’ aren’t
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going away for ever； and if you leave her behind with a notion in
her head o’ your feeling about her the same as she feels about you；
she’ll be hankering after you； and the mischief may get worse。