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case playing the part of white ghost。
In these days； when 〃Imperial cement〃 is at a premium； who would dare
suggest that the emotions of a parlour can by any possibility be the
same as those exhibited in a salon furnished in the style of Louis
Quatorze； that the tears of Bayswater can possibly be compared for
saltness with the lachrymal fluid distilled from South Audley Street
glands； that the laughter of Clapham can be as catching as the
cultured cackle of Curzon Street？ But we； whose best clothes are
exhibited only in parlours； what are we to do？ How can we lay bare
the souls of Duchesses； explain the heart…throbs of peers of the
realm？ Some of my friends who； being Conservative； attend Primrose
〃tourneys〃 （or is it 〃Courts of love〃？ I speak as an outsider。
Something mediaeval； I know it is） do； it is true； occasionally
converse with titled ladies。 But the period for conversation is
always limited owing to the impatience of the man behind； and I doubt
if the interview is ever of much practical use to them； as conveying
knowledge of the workings of the aristocratic mind。 Those of us who
are not Primrose Knights miss even this poor glimpse into the world
above us。 We know nothing； simply nothing； concerning the deeper
feelings of the upper ten。 Personally； I once received a letter from
an Earl； but that was in connection with a dairy company of which his
lordship was chairman； and spoke only of his lordship's views
concerning milk and the advantages of the cash system。 Of what I
really wished to knowhis lordship's passions； yearnings and general
attitude to lifethe circular said nothing。
Year by year I find myself more and more in a minority。 One by one
my literary friends enter into this charmed aristocratic circle；
after which one hears no more from them regarding the middle…classes。
At once they set to work to describe the mental sufferings of Grooms
of the Bed…chamber； the hidden emotions of Ladies in their own right；
the religious doubts of Marquises。 I want to know how they do it
〃how the devil they get there。〃 They refuse to tell me。
Meanwhile； I see nothing before me but the workhouse。 Year by year
the public grows more impatient of literature dealing merely with the
middle…classes。 I know nothing about any other class。 What am I to
do？
Commonplace peoplefriends of mine without conscience； counsel me in
flippant phrase to 〃have a shot at it。〃
〃I expect； old fellow； you know just as much about it as these other
Johnnies do。〃 （I am not defending their conversation either as
regards style or matter： I am merely quoting。） 〃And even if you
don't； what does it matter？ The average reader knows less。 How is
he to find you out？〃
But； as I explain to them； it is the law of literature never to write
except about what you really know。 I want to mix with the
aristocracy； study them； understand them； so that I may earn my
living in the only way a literary man nowadays can earn his living；
namely； by writing about the upper circles。
I want to know how to get there。
CHAPTER IV
＇Man and his Master。＇
There is one thing that the Anglo…Saxon does better than the 〃French；
or Turk； or Rooshian；〃 to which add the German or the Belgian。 When
the Anglo…Saxon appoints an official； he appoints a servant： when
the others put a man in uniform； they add to their long list of
masters。 If among your acquaintances you can discover an American；
or Englishman； unfamiliar with the continental official； it is worth
your while to accompany him； the first time he goes out to post a
letter； say。 He advances towards the post…office a breezy； self…
confident gentleman； borne up by pride of race。 While mounting the
steps he talks airily of 〃just getting this letter off his mind； and
then picking up Jobson and going on to Durand's for lunch。〃
He talks as if he had the whole day before him。 At the top of the
steps he attempts to push open the door。 It will not move。 He looks
about him； and discovers that is the door of egress； not of ingress。
It does not seem to him worth while redescending the twenty steps and
climbing another twenty。 So far as he is concerned he is willing to
pull the door； instead of pushing it。 But a stern official bars his
way； and haughtily indicates the proper entrance。 〃Oh； bother；〃 he
says； and down he trots again； and up the other flight。
〃I shall not be a minute；〃 he remarks over his shoulder。 〃You can
wait for me outside。〃
But if you know your way about； you follow him in。 There are seats
within； and you have a newspaper in your pocket： the time will pass
more pleasantly。 Inside he looks round； bewildered。 The German
post…office； generally speaking； is about the size of the Bank of
England。 Some twenty different windows confront your troubled
friend； each one bearing its own particular legend。 Starting with
number one； he sets to work to spell them out。 It appears to him
that the posting of letters is not a thing that the German post…
office desires to encourage。 Would he not like a dog licence
instead？ is what one window suggests to him。 〃Oh； never mind that
letter of yours； come and talk about bicycles；〃 pleads another。 At
last he thinks he has found the right hole： the word 〃Registration〃
he distinctly recognizes。 He taps at the glass。
Nobody takes any notice of him。 The foreign official is a man whose
life is saddened by a public always wanting something。 You read it
in his face wherever you go。 The man who sells you tickets for the
theatre！ He is eating sandwiches when you knock at his window。 He
turns to his companion：
〃Good Lord！〃 you can see him say； 〃here's another of 'em。 If there
has been one man worrying me this morning there have been a hundred。
Always the same story： all of 'em want to come and see the play。
You listen now； bet you anything he's going to bother me for tickets。
Really； it gets on my nerves sometimes。〃
At the railway station it is just the same。
〃Another man who wants to go to Antwerp！ Don't seem to care for
rest； these people： flying here； flying there； what's the sense of
it？〃 It is this absurd craze on the part of the public for letter…
writing that is spoiling the temper of the continental post…office
official。 He does his best to discourage it。
〃Look at them；〃 he says to his assistantthe thoughtful German
Government is careful to provide every official with another official
for company； lest by sheer force of ennui he might be reduced to
taking interest in his work〃twenty of 'em； all in a row！ Some of
'em been there for the last quarter of an hour。''
〃Let 'em wait another quarter of an hour；〃 advises the assistant；
〃perhaps they'll go away。〃
〃My dear fellow；〃 he answers； 〃do you think I haven't tried that？
There's simply no getting rid of 'em。 And it's always the same cry：
'Stamps！ stamps！ stamps！' 'Pon my word； I think they live on stamps；
some of 'em。〃
〃Well let 'em have their stamps？〃 suggests the assistant； with a
burst of inspiration； 〃perhaps it will get rid of 'em。〃
＇Why the Man in U