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ghostland。 He enters nervous； shy； feeling again the new boy at
school。 The old ghosts gather round him。
〃How do you come heremurdered？〃
〃No； at least； I don't think so。〃
〃Suicide？
〃Nocan't remember the name of it now。 Began with a chill on the
liver； I think。〃
The ghosts are disappointed。 But a happy suggestion is made。
Perhaps he was the murderer； that would be even better。 Let him
think carefully； can he recollect ever having committed a murder？ He
racks his brains in vain； not a single murder comes to his
recollection。 He never forged a will。 Doesn't even know where
anything is hid。 Of what use will he be in ghostland？ One pictures
him passing the centuries among a moody crowd of uninteresting
mediocrities； brooding perpetually over their wasted lives。 Only the
ghosts of ladies and gentlemen mixed up in crime have any 〃show〃 in
ghostland。
＇The Spirit does not shine as a Conversationalist。＇
I feel an equal dissatisfaction with the spirits who are supposed to
return to us and communicate with us through the medium of three…
legged tables。 I do not deny the possibility that spirits exist。 I
am even willing to allow them their three…legged tables。 It must be
confessed it is a clumsy method。 One cannot help regretting that
during all the ages they have not evolved a more dignified system。
One feels that the three…legged table must hamper them。 One can
imagine an impatient spirit getting tired of spelling out a lengthy
story on a three…legged table。 But； as I have said； I am willing to
assume that； for some spiritual reason unfathomable to my mere human
intelligence； that three…legged table is essential。 I am willing
also to accept the human medium。 She is generally an unprepossessing
lady running somewhat to bulk。 If a gentleman； he so often has dirty
finger…nails； and smells of stale beer。 I think myself it would be
so much simpler if the spirit would talk to me direct； we could get
on quicker。 But there is that about the medium； I am told； which
appeals to a spirit。 Well； it is his affair； not mine； and I waive
the argument。 My real stumbling…block is the spirit himselfthe
sort of conversation that； when he does talk； he indulges in。 I
cannot help feeling that his conversation is not worth the
paraphernalia。 I can talk better than that myself。
The late Professor Huxley； who took some trouble over this matter；
attended some half…dozen seances； and then determined to attend no
more。
〃I have；〃 he said； 〃for my sins to submit occasionally to the society
of live bores。 I refuse to go out of my way to spend an evening in
the dark with dead bores。〃
The spiritualists themselves admit that their table…rapping spooks
are precious dull dogs； it would be difficult； in face of the
communications recorded； for them to deny it。 They explain to us
that they have not yet achieved communication with the higher
spiritual Intelligences。 The more intelligent spiritsfor some
reason that the spiritualists themselves are unable to explaindo
not want to talk to them； appear to have something else to do。 At
presentso I am told； and can believeit is only the spirits of
lower intelligence that care to turn up on these evenings。 The
spiritualists argue that； by continuing； the higher…class spirits
will later on be induced to 〃come in。〃 I fail to follow the
argument。 It seems to me that we are frightening them away。 Anyhow；
myself I shall wait awhile。
When the spirit comes along that can talk sense； that can tell me
something I don't know； I shall be glad to meet him。 The class of
spirit that we are getting just at present does not appeal to me。
The thought of himthe reflection that I shall die and spend the
rest of eternity in his companydoes not comfort me。
＇She is now a Believer。＇
A lady of my acquaintance tells me it is marvellous how much these
spirits seem to know。 On her very first visit； the spirit； through
the voice of the mediuman elderly gentleman residing obscurely in
Clerkenwellinformed her without a moment's hesitation that she
possessed a relative with the Christian name of George。 （I am not
making this upit is real。） This gave her at first the idea that
spiritualism was a fraud。 She had no relative named Georgeat
least； so she thought。 But a morning or two later her husband
received a letter from Australia。 〃By Jove！〃 he exclaimed； as he
glanced at the last page； 〃I had forgotten all about the poor old
beggar。〃
〃Whom is it from？〃 she asked。
〃Oh； nobody you knowhaven't seen him myself for twenty yearsa
third or fourth cousin of mineGeorge〃
She never heard the surname； she was too excited。 The spirit had
been right from the beginning； she HAD a relative named George。 Her
faith in spiritualism is now as a rock。
There are thousands of folk who believe in Old Moore's Almanac。 My
difficulty would be not to believe in the old gentleman。 I see that
for the month of January last he foretold us that the Government
would meet with determined and persistent opposition。 He warned us
that there would be much sickness about； and that rheumatism would
discover its old victims。 How does he know these things？ Is it that
the stars really do communicate with him； or does he 〃feel it in his
bones；〃 as the saying is up North？
During February； he mentioned； the weather would be unsettled。 He
concluded：
〃The word Taxation will have a terrible significance for both
Government and people this month。〃
Really； it is quite uncanny。 In March：
〃Theatres will do badly during the month。〃
There seems to be no keeping anything from Old Moore。 In April 〃much
dissatisfaction will be expressed among Post Office employees。〃 That
sounds probable； on the face of it。 In any event； I will answer for
our local postman。
In May 〃a wealthy magnate is going to die。〃 In June there is going
to be a fire。 In July 〃Old Moore has reason to fear there will be
trouble。〃
I do hope he may be wrong； and yet somehow I feel a conviction that
he won't be。 Anyhow； one is glad it has been put off till July。
In August 〃one in high authority will be in danger of demise。〃 In
September 〃zeal〃 on the part of persons mentioned 〃will outstrip
discretion。〃 In October Old Moore is afraid again。 He cannot avoid
a haunting suspicion that 〃Certain people will be victimized by
extensive fraudulent proceedings。〃
In November 〃the public Press will have its columns full of important
news。〃 The weather will be 〃adverse；〃 and 〃a death will occur in
high circles。〃 This makes the second in one year。 I am glad I do
not belong to the higher circles。
＇How does he do it？＇
In December Old Moore again foresees trouble； just when I was hoping
it was all over。 〃Frauds will come to light； and death will find its
victims。〃
And all this information is given to us for a penny。
The palmist examines our hand。 〃You will go a journey；〃 he tells us。
It is marvellous！ How could he have known that only the night before
we had been discussing the advisability of taking the children to
Margate for the holidays？