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Perhaps that is the Problem： What is a lady to do with a husband for
whom she has no further use？ If she gives him away he is sure to
come back； like the clever dog that is sent in a hamper to the other
end of the kingdom； and three days afterwards is found gasping on the
doorstep。 If she leaves him in the middle of South Africa； with most
of the heavy baggage and all the debts； she may reckon it a certainty
that on her return from her next honeymoon he will be the first to
greet her。
Her surprise at meeting him again is a little unreasonable。 She
seems to be under the impression that because she has forgotten him；
he is for all practical purposes dead。
〃Why I forgot all about him；〃 she seems to be arguing to herself；
〃seven years ago at least。 According to the laws of Nature there
ought to be nothing left of him but just his bones。〃
She is indignant at finding he is still alive； and lets him know it
tells him he is a beast for turning up at his sister's party； and
pleads to him for one last favour： that he will go away where
neither she nor anybody else of any importance will ever see him or
hear of him again。 That's all she asks of him。 If he make a point
of it she willthough her costume is ill adapted to the exercisego
down upon her knees to ask it of him。
He brutally retorts that he doesn't know where to 〃get。〃 The lady
travels round a good deal and seems to be in most places。 She
accepts week…end invitations to the houses of his nearest relatives。
She has married his first cousin； and is now getting up a bazaar with
the help of his present wife。 How he is to avoid her he does not
quite see。
Perhaps； by the by； that is really the Problem： where is the early
husband to disappear to？ Even if every time he saw her coming he
were to duck under the table； somebody would be sure to notice it and
make remarks。 Ought he to take himself out one dark night； tie a
brick round his neck； and throw himself into a pond？
＇What is a Lady to do with a Husband when she has finished with him？＇
But men are so selfish。 The idea does not even occur to him； and the
lady herself is too generous to do more than just hint at it。
Maybe it is Society that is to blame。 There comes a luminous moment
when it is suddenly revealed to the Heroine of the Problem Play that
it is Society that is at the bottom of this thing。 She has felt all
along there was something the matter。 Why has she never thought of
it before？ Here all these years has she been going about blaming her
poor old father； her mother for dying too soon； the remarkable
circumstances attending her girlhood； that dear old stupid husband
she thought was hers； and all the while the really culpable party has
been existing unsuspected under her very nose。 She clears away the
furniture a bit； and tells Society exactly what she thinks of itshe
is always good at that； telling people what she thinks of them。
Other people's failings do not escape her； not for long。 If Society
would only step out for a moment； and look at itself with her eyes；
something might be done。 If Society； now that the thing has been
pointed out to it； has still any lingering desire to live； let it
look at her。 This； that she is； Society has made her！ Let Society
have a walk round her； and then go home and reflect。
＇Could sheherselfhave been to blame？＇
It lifts a load from us； fixing the blame on Society。 There were
periods in the play when we hardly knew what to think。 The
scientific father； the dead mother； the early husband！ it was
difficult to grasp the fact that they alone were to blame。 One felt
there was something to be said for even them。 Ugly thoughts would
cross our mind that perhaps the Heroine herself was not altogether
irreproachablethat possibly there would have been less Problem； if；
thinking a little less about her clothes； yearning a little less to
do nothing all day long and be perfectly happy； she had pulled
herself together； told herself that the world was not built
exclusively for her； and settled down to the existence of an ordinary
decent woman。
Looking at the thing all round； that is perhaps the best solution of
the Problem： it is Society that is to blame。 We had better keep to
that。
CHAPTER IX
＇Civilization and the Unemployed。＇
Where Civilization fails is in not providing men and women with
sufficient work。 In the Stone Age man was； one imagines； kept busy。
When he was not looking for his dinner； or eating his dinner； or
sleeping off the effects of his dinner； he was hard at work with a
club； clearing the neighbourhood of what one doubts not he would have
described as aliens。 The healthy Palaeolithic man would have had a
contempt for Cobden rivalling that of Mr。 Chamberlain himself。 He
did not take the incursion of the foreigner 〃lying down。〃 One
pictures him in the mind's eye： unscientific； perhaps； but active to
a degree difficult to conceive in these degenerate days。 Now up a
tree hurling cocoa…nuts； the next moment on the ground flinging roots
and rocks。 Both having tolerably hard heads； the argument would of
necessity be long and heated。 Phrases that have since come to be
meaningless had； in those days； a real significance。
When a Palaeolithic politician claimed to have 〃crushed his critic；〃
he meant that he had succeeded in dropping a tree or a ton of earth
upon him。 When it was said that one bright and intelligent member of
that early sociology had 〃annihilated his opponent；〃 that opponent's
friends and relations took no further interest in him。 It meant that
he was actually annihilated。 Bits of him might be found； but the
most of him would be hopelessly scattered。 When the adherents of any
particular Cave Dweller remarked that their man was wiping the floor
with his rival； it did not mean that he was talking himself red in
the face to a bored audience of sixteen friends and a reporter。 It
meant that he was dragging that rival by the legs round the enclosure
and making the place damp and untidy with him。
＇Early instances of 〃Dumping。〃＇
Maybe the Cave Dweller； finding nuts in his own neighbourhood growing
scarce； would emigrate himself： for even in that age the politician
was not always logical。 Thus roles became reversed。 The defender of
his country became the alien； dumping himself where he was not
wanted。 The charm of those early political arguments lay in their
simplicity。 A child could have followed every point。 There could
never have been a moment's doubt； even among his own followers； as to
what a Palaeolithic statesman really meant to convey。 At the close
of the contest the party who considered it had won the moral victory
would be cleared away； or buried neatly on the spot； according to
taste： and the discussion； until the arrival of the next generation；
was voted closed。
All this must have been harassing； but it did serve to pass away the
time。 Civilization has brought into being a section of the community
with little else to do but to amuse itself。 For youth to play is
natural； the young barbari